Son Moved Out

My son moved out yesterday. I miss him already but it was time for life to teach him what I could not.

He left under very good terms all things considered. We did have some words last week over the fact that he will not make an effort to find a full time job. He works quite a few hours at the local Best Buy but they have not made him full time though he does good work for them.

He has problems with Attention Deficit Disorder and an inability to understand abstract reasoning. He sees the world as Black and White. Eventhough we know he has challenges, it becomes an issue when he is now 25 years old without health insurance. He says it is his right to live the way he wants.

Basically, I said that yes he does have that right but that it seems to me I am somehow failing him by letting him stay here and not see how life really works. I told him I did not want hard feelings and was willing to subsidize the remainder of his car insurance for this year. We also offered to pay his upfront costs for moving in with some roomates but not to put the lease in our name.

I told him that I love him and we are family and I want him to come for Easter and stay in touch. He said that he was cool with it. He is going to a friend's house that looks reasonably healthy to me. The Mom was recently divorced and is holding on by a thread to her home so she needs a border. My son sees this as an opportunity to have more independence and help out his friends.

He took his bedroom furniture with him. I also mentioned that I can think of at least 20 jobs he could apply for that would give him a better living and feel pretty agreeable to him so if someday he wants my help with that or managing his money we can talk about. In the meantime, I am going to butt out of his business.

Wow, there are some big changes going on around here.

All IS NOT WHAT IT SEEMED TO BE

I made no attempt to contact Beth. Her old not the boyfriend called me to tell me that she was in jail last night. At about 1 in the afternoon today I got several texts from Beth asking me to release money to her for a car from her SSI money which is practically all gone at this point.

I texted back the following: Heard you were in jail. I would like to know why before reading it in the newspaper.


She texted back that it never happened and wanted to know who said that it did. I did not respond.

A few more unsavory tidbits have come to my attention over the past week. The man who was paying her to watch his Mom while he worked in exchange for buying her a car has not worked a steady job in many years. He was living off his Mom's social security. It is doubtful that he ever bought Beth a car though she still seems to believe that he did.

First, Beth told me that the woman died and she needed to buy her own car so this Man could use the money from the car he bought her to pay his bills. A few days later she told me that the woman had not died.

Beth may actually have been in Jail. She also might have been trying to extort money out of M because he has always loved her. I did not spend much effort this time trying to find out the truth. The more I know the more it seems to hurt me.

So, now what looked like her taking care of a needy old woman currently looks like she just moved in with this guy who lived with his Mom. I still think she did the old woman some good but it remains highly questionable how much these two addicts were giving and how much they were taking from the elderly woman.

On the positive side, after 10 years of this happy horse sht, I did not spend the entire weekend thinking about it. Hubby and I went to a great play at the college on Saturday. These young and healthy, vibrant and talented students gave us a great lift. Today we went to a movie club that I found on meetup.com. We had a lovely evening watching the movie and then talking about it at a casual restaurant. This social group meets about 30 minutes from my home. That was a plus as no one knew us to ask unwanted questions about the stellar success of my children. In fact, we just talked about movies. That was awesome!

My Daughter is in Jail

DH just got a phone call from an x boyfriend of Beth. He said that his neighbor came over to tell him that Beth had called from a county jail which is two counties away from here.


That is all I know. She has not called me nor her father. No one in my family nor my husband's family has ever been in jail. This is where drugs lead.

" I do this to make up for some of the wrong I have done in my life."

Beth was feeling guilty for saving her elderly patient. The poor woman is still on a respirator. My husband talked to Beth and said that she could not just let the woman die without a will that stated she did not want to be resusitated.

I told her that she did right by the woman and now the situation has to play itself out. The woman's son will have to make the decision of what to do next. She gave the woman a chance and that was right eventhough at some point we do not want to let people suffer either. I also said that caring for the weak and sick is noble work that I admire.

Beth said, "Thanks Mom, I do this to try and make up for some of the wrong that Ihave done in my life."


Lou said that at 26 years of age eventhough her son was not done with drugs at that point he started to feel remorseful for his misdeeds. It appears that this is where Beth is right now. I pray that God protects her and your loved ones as well, while they go through this darkness. 

Nurse Jackie

Beth saved an old woman's life last night. She heard the woman get up several times and did not like the way she looked. Beth checked her sugar which was high and her temperature which was normal. Beth woke up G (her patient's son). They continued to keep an eye on Mrs. L. She got agitated and confused with some difficulty in breathing. Beth called 911. The EMT's told them that Mrs. L would not have made it through the night without this intervention.

I think that an important part of recovery is the self worth that comes from helping others. The EMT's and G acknowledged Beth for saving a life. The Dad and I both told her that she had done an amazing and good deed.

Both my mother in law and my mother who recently passed away were nurses. Maybe they are helping Beth channel some of their healing powers. God Bless the nurses and even the nurse Jackies of this world.

Lunch With Beth

Beth had lunch with her Dad today. She showed up at his office. They went to lunch and he took her to the mall to pick up her glasses. She has agreed to stay with a woman during the day who has alzheimers. In exchange for this caregiving, the woman's son who is my age is giving her an old car. It will be in her name next week.

There were no requests for money and no erratic behaviour this time.

I am making a short trip to Florida to see my fairy- God- mother aunt. She is my mother's sister. She always flew in and treated us like magic so we called her the fairy- God- mother aunt. It is just for a long weekend.

Mom Died on This Day One Year Ago

     This was the day one year ago that I got word of my mother's death. I am glad I went to see her 3 times during her last illness. She was in Florida and I was in NJ working full time. We knew it was serious but we thought she would live longer than she did. She had end stage heart disease.

  It seems as though all of the sudden, we are so much more alone. We always lived near and were involved with our families. Although my parents wintered in Florida, they spent the rest of the year within walking distance of us. My husband's parents lived right next to us as did his sister. My mother died and both of my in-laws died in the last two years. My sister- in - law has her house for sale and spends the winter in Arizona. She had also lived on the same block.

Actually, I am relieved that this is the end of the day on Feb 26th. Ever since I got the hospice card at the beginning of the month marking this milestone in my life I have been uneasy about this day.

I will start over again tomorrow and try to pull myself up. Today I gave in to the wallowing. I remember my mother saying.....let the dead bury the dead and move on with your life. Tomorrow I will try.