Fleeting Glory

The day after my last post Beth got kicked out of her not the boyfriend's house for smoking crack. She said that everyone was making too much of a big deal about a little slip up. I have only texted a few words with her since that time.

My father became the main focus of our concerns as he spent the last 6 days in the hospital. Five of those days were in the ICU. I knew he wasn't right because he was sitting in his chair for the past few weeks with no desire to eat or participate in any activities. I took him to my house and the Dr. when he told me that he tried to call me during the night as he felt so sick but could not figure out how to use the phone. (It was a new smart phone and he is 77.) The Dr. gave him an antidepressant but he kept getting worse.

My husband started to complain that I should put my foot down and take him to the emergency room against his will if necessary because his change in mental status was sudden and alarming. The man who could fix everything including the equipment that keeps aircraft apart in the sky could not figure out how to make a call on a new cell phone though I explained it over 20 times.

We were on our way to the ER when our Dr. called. She said his blood work had come back very low in sodium. It was a life threatening reaction that could cause seasure, brain damage or death. He felt better almost imediately but the confusion lasted until the last day in the hospital. FYI :  He was on Benacar with a diuretic added right to the pill. The kidney Dr. at the hospital said it was not advisable for older patients.

Thank God that he seems pretty normal now. My sister who lives right next door will keep a good eye on him while I go on vacation starting Wed. My Dad was supposed to come along but he does not feel confident to go to a third world country right now. Can't say I blame him.

I will be off to Colombia SA on Wed by way of Panama. Looking forward to 15 days of total imersion in Spanish and renewal of friendships which are over 40 years old.

A Glimpse of What Might Have Been

Beth came over tonight. She missed the Barb B Q yesterday as she was working at the horse races. She is assisting a handicapper. It seems they research and publish information about the horses establishing what they think are the odds for each horse to win based upon past history and current conditions.

We were of course concerned with her being in an atmosphere of gambling and drinking but it was obvious that she was excited about this. For the last 6 years she has not been excited about anything really. She has mostly been bored, or listless. Laying on her couch and not finding a reasons to get up.

Lately she has been giving some tennis lessons, doing this work at the race track, collecting scrap metal for resale and doing some home health care work here and there. She also goes to the Dr. once a week for blood tests to show that she is taking her suboxone and clean from other drugs.

After dinner tonight she sang with her Dad. She picked the hardest songs to sing with the keroke machine. Phantom of the opera was one of her first selections. It was amazing to hear her sing loud and clear in her soprano voice. Then, the Dad put on Yesterday and we all sang together. This is how I imagined our lives would be. It made me cry.

She looked very good tonight inspite of just breaking up with her latest boyfriend. Her arms and legs were bear. Her hair was fixed nice and she was neatly groomed. She looked cute and preppy in spite of her tatoos.

Hope is fleeting. Hope is the enemy and yet hope is what I felt. I am afraid of hope and her inconsitencies were still glaringly apparent and all too familiar. And yet, something is very different. There is a spark of her humanity long absent which now smolders amidst the ashes here and there.