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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

Call From Oh So Distant Son

My son called about 5 pm on Christmas. It was good to hear his voice and wish him Merry Christmas. He is finally working full time in security! It seems that when his parents moved to FL the  employer finally took him seriously as a young man paying his own way.

We said we loved each other and he started backing away from the stance that he will never ever visit Fl. He said that he will visit in the summer when he can put some vacation time together. Baby steps to an adult relationship is what we hope for. DS has severe learning disabilities. He thinks in black and white and has no recollection of his childhood due to a brain injury incurred in the 7th grade.

I think it must be harder for him to feel close to us when he can not remember the sweeter times of his younger years.  I plan to start sending him some cards with pictures from those times. maybe one picture with a paragraph attached at a time.

I hope to take it easy till New Years. I am on antibiotics with a serious sinus infection. Thank God and science for antibiotics.

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Christmas Day 2013

Not your Hallmark Christmas!  We celebrated Xmas eve with the new neighbors, my daughter and her fiancĂ©, my father and his girlfriend and my recently divorced brother in law. It was almost 80 degrees here but I had the air on freezing to counteract the brownies and lasagna that were in the oven. The food was delicious and the conversation flowed smoothly. We focused on the good although each one at the table could have shared their own heartache or two. After dinner, we sang and people lingered for about 5 hours.

This morning before opening gifts Our addicted daughter called on the phone she said was stolen. She was not asking for money. She just cried and cried and said she missed us. My husband and I said the same to her. We know and she knows that we know that she is using because she has been attempting to scam the NJ relatives for money.

I called my son who sometimes returns my calls with texts promising to call me later. After 8 years of no progress with her addiction or his job prospects we moved to Fl to the active living community's that we always planned for. For better or worse, we stopped trying to change the young ones and went on with our lives. We are very active, much healthier than before but still ache for what could have,should have would have been. My son is 27 and very angry. My daughter Beth regrets her addictive choices but continues to make them. My son  claims to love me but he just does not want to talk to me. He only came around once a month for 5 minutes to collect the mail so how could we build a life around that? We offer to,fly him in to visit but he keeps his distance. I do not know how many more times I will call the answering machine.

Most days I keep busy and surround myself with the family that is still I'm tact. I am greatful for them. My younger daughter just got into grad school, got engaged and has a full time job. I have sisters and friendships that have lasted over 40 years. I have new friends and new activities plus the warm warm sunshine that eases our physical pain.

This morning was rough as I hears the raw anguish in Beth's voice. She misses us and we both wish that would be enough to change the un changeable.  Only a miracle could change that which our best efforts have only made worse. So I pray that God forgives our parental sins and heals our broken family. I need a miracle here so that is what I ask for.