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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Supermarket Trip and Missing Money

I took Beth to the supermarket today. She looked almost normal. She has gained a little weight and her rash is about 90 per cent better. She was calm without being lethargic and she felt like my daughter for a few good minutes.

We shopped at the local Aldi's but we were not together. She took her own cart and stayed way ahead of me. I had my purse with me the entire time and most especially while I was near Beth. When we got a little way down the road I realized that 200 dollars had gone missing.

The most logical explanation when your with an addict and money disappears is to assume they stole it. I did not blame her or search her as I am so  hypervigilant with her that I do not see how she could have taken it. I think that when I took out the 100 to pay my bill, the other two must have stuck to it. We went back to the store to no avail.

I also have a couple of bad memories associated with stealing. There are the times when I knew for a fact that Beth stole from me or someone else. Then there are the three notable times that she was accused of stealing but was later exonerated. The first time, I was missing money and I made her empty her pockets and purse. She screamed and cried, threw herself all over the place and then I found my money elsewhere.

The next, was the time when my sister in law called to say that the home health aid was missing a very valuable ring just after Beth's visit. That ring turned up in the health care provider's bathroom on the counter near the sink. The worst time was when the people that she had been living with for 3 months who were bound and determined to help her get sober found out that their stereo equipment was gone. They blamed Beth and kicked her out but in the end it was there own son who took it.

Well, if you do bad things then when bad things happen you get blamed. Sometimes you get blamed for stuff you did not do. That being said, I did not want one of her last memories of me before moving to Florida to be of me falsely accusing her.

Peace and Love


Monday, July 29, 2013

Suboxone Request

I got a call from Beth today looking for a ride and help paying for a new suboxone Dr. I had high hopes for her 2 or three years ago when she started on suboxone. I paid the very high office visits for over a year. I had heard of a number of people who kicked the heroine habit with suboxone.

No, I would not be heart broken if she had to take suboxone forever. Many people can hold down jobs and be responsible family members while taking suboxone. It would be a far far better life for her. Beth was clean for six weeks when she started the suboxone. In fact, to a large extent it seemed to help her stay away from heroine. But then she started selling the suboxone to get more crack. At some point I stopped paying the suboxone Dr. because I did not want to be a party to Beth selling it etc etc.

From time to time Beth goes back to the suboxone Dr. and seems to better for a month or two before she starts to miss appointments. I know that she has been upset several times when Dr. E has cancelled on her but she is not good now. I can tell that she is strung out on some kind of major simulant maybe crack or meth. My guess is that the good Dr. E can not bring herself to see Beth and face the confrontation so she cancels.

Anyhow, the bottom line was that Beth wanted me to take her today or tomorrow to a new Dr. that would charge 205 for the visit and 105 for the subsequent visits. Beth does not have that kind of money and the other Dr. would treat her for just her insurance if Beth would only comply.

I told Beth that she would have to go to a clinic and arrange her own transportation. She has amazing transportation benefits so this part is really not too dificult for her. I told her where a clinic is that I think would treat her. My reply seems logical to me as I do think that she is into abusing this now, not really using the suboxone but abusing it and the Dr. God help me if I am wrong as I want to be part of the solution, not part of the problem.

I fear what comes next because without the suboxone her behavior will get more desperate. I have discussed this with my husband and sister. They think that my response was right. I have the strength to put up these boundaries but I do not have the strength not to second guess myself.

I would pay for the suboxone treatment if Beth was giving clean urine samples twice a week. She knows that I can be persuaded by that but that has not yet been suggested.

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Descended to Begging and Pleading

I texted Beth the truth and I ended up begging and pleading with her to stop the drugs and or be truthful with me. I told her that she will die soon if she does not quit and it will ruin my life. I need her to help me not drain me. I asked if she was on Meth cause she supposedly was admitted to psych ward for panic attacks. She said no to meth and ok to quitting drugs .......... Just ok.  I guess she got tired of my drama. I told her I cry every damn day and it is true.

Oh, I forgot to say that she said the boyfriend did not put her out in the rain. She just had to go to her apt. and it happened to be raining. Her crazy making worked and I acted like a sniveling idiot. Throwing myself at her mercy is not likely to be productive. She does not show much by way of mercy.

Sorry for the self pity. It has been a tough day.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Inpatient Mental Health

while I was going through the mail today an authorization for inpatient psychiatric care cropped up. Beth was   AuthorizeD foR inpatient psychiatric care from June 24 to 26. That was the first I knew of it. Beth says she is going to miss us horribly. I do feel guilty for leavings her but I have made her the absolute center of my life for the last ten years with the result that she is still flamingly addicted and floridly mentally ill. I swear both my husband and I would continue with a close relationship if it were not so excaserbated by the drug use. We are weary and burned out. He has serious health problems which make a long retirement unlikely. We always planned to retire to Florida, it is not just to distance ourselves from her but a little distance would help us after so many years of emotionally getting beat up and consistently ending up on the loosing side. It has been 10 years. We may not live another 10. She may well not make it that long either.


The emotional storm has passed but the ripples still remain.  My husband and I drove to Beth's boyfriend's house to pay him for yard work he completed while we were away. G took the money and told me that Beth was back. I gave him a piece of my mind. The words were mild but the tone was arctic.

" I don't take kindly to you throwing my daughter out in the street in the middle of the night during a torrential rain and lightening storm." He looked at me dumbfounded and then denied it. I drove away.
He may have been trying to stop her from leaving and said something like if you leave then you can not come back. It has happened before and he does try to help her stop or make her stop neither of which works.

Beth is a great liar and manipulator. She can even fool the rehab counselors that hear this stuff constantly. She also routinely gets involved with other drug users but at some point they get fearful for her. This may be what is happening with the boyfriend. He is a very kindly gentlemanly sort usually. He is very greatful to Beth for taking care of his mother when she was near the end of her life. He tells me that his mother loved Beth. That gets to me because in her current state she does not get too much admiration.

Sunday, July 21, 2013

More Drama

The boyfriend wanted to tell his side but Christine was not interested. Beth had not been in the car for  2 minutes when she started begging for money then insisting that they pick up one of her friends from the barrio. Christine's boyfriend said no to that. They had no intention of picking up an unknown addict in the middle of the night. Beth started to scream and cry which she kept up for the next 20 minutes until they got to her apt. At that point she apologized but was simultaneously  texting for someone else to pick her up.

Today I got the first text from Beth acting all cool saying hey are you guys home.  I ignored it. Then she called my husband saying she wanted to go back to the boyfriend and that she did not have any food etc etc.  Right now I hear the bleep bleep of my text messages. I just said a prayer for her but I am so tired of the drama and lies. When I am not available she targets my younger daughter or my sister. Last night she did have a big fight with the boyfriend but then she used that as an angle to get her sister to take her to drugs. I do not want to talk with her now and not sure when I will. My inclination is to let her find one of her so called many friends to give her a ride. God help her and God help me. We need a miracle and that is what I pray for.

Drama of Addiction

We got in last night at 1:15 in the morning. Our flight hit bad weather and we were almost two hours late. Christine and her boyfriend picked us up. They were visibly shaken and had arrived at the airport just minutes before we did. Beth had sucked them into her chaos.

Christine usually try's to keep a safe distance from Beth. She has been burned several times because of her sister and came close to getting arrested herself when Beth left drug parafanalia I the  crack of the back seat of Cristine's car.  Last night at about 11:30 in the middle of a bad  storm Beth called her sister pleading for help. Her boyfriend had put her out of the house and she was standing in the rain. Christine agreed to pick her up and take her back to Beth's apartment but made it very clear that there would be no stops along the way.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Addict Needs Money

Beth has sent several texts and phone calls pleading for more money. I held the line on releasing 100 dollars each week from her ssi money. I am the rep payee. She gets 80 per month in food stamps plus the 100 per week which must cover food, transportation, cigarettes and 12 dollars per month in copays for her psychiatric drugs. She finally got to me when she said she was out of toilet paper and had been for 3 days not able to pay for psychiatric meds.

I texted her to get her Aunt to buy the actual objects and give me the receipts and I will reimburse next week when I return North.  She said ok and that is the last I heard.

The cost of food has gone up tremendously but of course if I really thought this was going to food there would not be a problem.

Saturday, July 13, 2013

What Boundaries?

As you may remember from the last post, I was just starting to feel guilty for putting some space between me and the addict in my life when she called to shake me down for 10 dollars.  It turns out that she also asked my sister for 5 for cat food. My sister was to sick to go out for cat food so she said no. She knows better than to give money.

My sister is having trouble her son who is a functioning addict on alcohol,marijuana and Percocet.  He was sick with diarrhea and got excrement all over the bathroom. Then he halfway cleaned it up with dish towels that he threw in the yard. When my sisters boyfriend told him to clean it up or say that he was to sick and then the boyfriend would clean it up S proceeded to smear the mess onto the windows and try to get it on the boyfriend.

I was so shocked by this story that I could hardly respond. I did say that it was worse than the stuff that he did before when she had to get a restraining order against him. They did not speak for A year previously when he was throwing things at her and physically holding her back from leaving the house.  He also had wild part.ies in her house,sex in her bed and left dirty condoms on the floor.

My sister is a good hardworking and compassionate woman. Where are her boundaries? I fear for her physical and mental safety. She is 50 years old and has a bad heart. Her boy is 26 years old. He has a car and a job .

Tommorrow I will call and give my opinion. This is abuse. He must leave the house or she must accept being his slave. She has given him many chances. He does not have a drug problem according to him.

I feel particularly unqualified to give advice but whatever my nephews reasons for acting this way it is intolerable and creates a health hazard for my sister who has a bad heart.

Would you still love your son if he tried to smear Shit on you?    I think it is time for creating distance.      

Could you do me a favor?

Beth texted her father and then me. I heard the phone ring next and saw her boyfriend's name. Since she had not left me a message I did not answer my husband's phone.  Later when he called her back she wanted to talk to me.  She wanted me to send her 10 bucks to get some tampax cause she needs them.

I told her that was not possible cause my Internet banking is down. I would not have done it anyway as I never give her money off schedule. Since I never give her money off schedule why does she keep asking?  Of course it is drug money or she does not have money left from allowance due to drugs. She frequently asks me for money and my usual response is just no. Allowance is Tuesday and that is all there is.

Another strategy is to offer to give her the object she claims to want. Then she has to go right away with an important phone call or something.

The pattern is to create pity for herself or guilt and then follow up with a plea for money.  It took me a long time to catch on. It is the old 1,2, punch. After all.  These years I do not confront her or plead. I just say no and hang up after a quick good bye.  

Sunday, July 7, 2013

A Distant Addiction

My sister in law called to say she had a problem. She would talk to my husband about the problem and he would relay it to me. The problem was that Beth wanted to spend three days with her at her beach house.

Sister in law was not comfortable with this as the last time they were together Beth stole money from her car and looked very strung out. My husband told his sister that she did not have to explain it to us nor did she have to entertain Beth. This made me very very sad.

I saw it as reaching out for some semblance of normalcy. How can she get better if no one wants to see her? Yet, she does look strung out and I have no doubt that she did steal the money so why should the relatives have to entertain her?

My own sister told me that she thought that Beth was trying to get her to give her a ride to engage in questionable activities. It sounded to me like she was correct.

I am a thousand miles away from her and yet wherever I go she is still in my head. She is still in my head but not as often and not nearly as loud.