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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

When it rains it pours!

DH has an operation on his foot tomorrow to file down an overgrowth of bone. My mother had a silent heart attack and needs a valve replacement. We will hear what the plans are tomorrow. I have a big meeting with the superintendent tomorrow the content of which is unknown. My sister had to get a restraining order against her son. (Drugs involved here as well)  \

On the positive side, my son is big and strong. He is taking my husband back and forth from the surgery then I will take care of him over the weekend. My youngest daughter came home tonight from college. She says she is going to take care of her Daddy when he gets home during the day.

My Dad plans to put me on speaker phone with My mother's Dr. if my parents need my help. He is pretty sharp so he might not need me. They are in Florida so I am very happy to have the technology. Mom had the flu or so they thought. Now they are saying it was a silent heart attack with subsequent valve damage. She is very weak but still soldiering on.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Snowed In and Thinking.......

I was snowed in today. It was great to relax, get over my cold, skype with my Colombian girl friend and play on the computer. I had a leasurely breakfast then watched univision for an hour to practice my Spanish. That was followed by the skype call with Colombian friends who were on vacation on a tropical island. It is amazing how skype makes you feel like you are really there. She showed me the hotel pool, courtyard and the beach. Her husband and I exchanged pleasantries. I have known Estelita for over 30 years. She was an exchange student at my house and I was an exchange student at hers. We talked about the visit from Beth's Birth mom. She thinks it is a positive thing.

Beth called today. She said that she had a nice visit wtih Linda. She thinks she is a good person. Beth told her the whole story up front about her addiction and mental illness. Beth said she does not want to have to deal with explaining it later if she should hear it from someone else. That is a very good point as I still can not imagine how she did not hear tell of this. Maybe she did.

Thanks you all for your kind words of support. It seems that Beth and Linda went to her step brother's house for dinner after they left here but for some reason that did not work our and they ended up at Red Lobster.
The following day Linda spent at Beth's apartment and then she went to her mother's before leaving.

I texted Linda that it was good to see her and I was happy that the visit seemed to have gone well. She texted right back saying that she had just arrived and felt the same way.

I asked Beth if she had any of her questions answered. She said she did not ask any questions. She just listened and had decided to let the relationship start from here instead of asking about the past. It sounded right to me.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Birth Mother Visits

Beth's birth mother came for a visit today. She has been in town for the last few days. She stayed overnight with Beth and then went to visit her own mother. It felt like seeing a long lost cousin. Someone who is family but not immediate family.

We were supposed to go to a nice lunch yesterday but that was snowed out. I told Beth to drop by with her to get a picture album that I prepared for her. Actually my other daughter picked out the pictures as it still gets me very emotional to look at those baby pictures!

Linda had the same sweetness and inteligence I remember. We were all a bit nervous but it went well. She told us about her children. They are doing well but she is having teen age problems with the middle boy. It sounded to me like Linda has had a rough 17  out of 25 years. She was married to a guy who abused drugs and alcohol. He was very controlling. In the last few years since her divorce she has finished her GED, gone to work and gone to college. She will finish her degree in May.

It gives me hope that Beth might come along some more as time goes by. Her birthmother is just getting her life on track now at 39. I do not know if she herself ever did drugs but I know that her husband did. Ocassionaly she would say something shocking in a very matter of fact tone. Like when she said " I was married for 17 years to an alcholic and crack head."  She also complained of not being able to remember well on a regular basis. She has a blood disorder that involves forming clots. She also has lupus.

I asked her how often she visits her mother who lives in town. She said about once per year but it has been two years since she has been here. I told her that she will always be welcomed in my house. She said that she loves my husband and I.

He and I discussed it and said that we are not afraid of her. After all that we have been through with Beth this just pales in comparison. If Linda can love Beth and Beth can love Linda........ well she sure does need all the love and freindship that she can find if it is healthy. I was glad to hear them calling each other by their first names. I hope that they can be like friends or sisters. Maybe she understands this drug business better than I do. Maybe she can help Beth either find her way out or stay out of that life.  

Beth and she seemed quite relieved. I think relief is what best describes what I saw. Beth was going with Linda to have dinner with her relatives here in town. That is a tremendous amount of socializing for Beth. I think the snow day really helped her handle it all. She called me that day and was exhausted. I can tell she is doing her best to hold herself together mentallly and put her best foot forward.

Beth so far has been very careful of my feelings. She keeps saying ....... I want to do this or that if it is ok with you. I do not want to jepordize our relationship or hurt you in any way. That is nice of her. It is sometimes a bit strange. Like when the birth mother wanted to tatoo her infant feet from the birth certificate on her leg. I said no to that. No to the tatoo but then I gave her the little picture album to look at.

She only sees her own mom once per year so she probably will not be around here too often.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Lunch with Birth Mom

Did I mention that I was recently contacted by Beth's birth mother?  She contacted me on facebook to say that she would like to make contact with Beth. She also thanked me for helping her out so many years ago. She did not seem to know anything about the problems that Beth has had though she still has family in this town.  I asked Beth if she wanted me to give her birth mother her number.  Beth said she wanted to talk to this woman but she did not want to hurt me. I said, I hope that it will be healing for the both of you. They talked the same day.

Linda will be in our town for the next several days and Beth wants us to have lunch together. I said yes as I remember her well. She was a sweet, young 13 year old girl who was just about to have a baby when she appeared in my classroom one day. I remembered her as I had taught her the year before when she moved away in the middle of the semester. Someone had told her I wanted to adopt a baby. That is why she came looking for me. I said yes but set up a time to meet with her and her mother along with my husband that night. When we arrived there was no one home. She was in the hospital giving birth to Beth. We took Beth home from the hospital 2 days later. It was Christmas Eve.

I think I should give Linda some pictures of Beth as she was growing up. The last time I looked at these pictures I got so depressed and cried so much that I stayed in bed all day so I might not go back over them. I told Beth to pick out a few for her but she did not do it. I have decided that it is Beth's decision how much she does or does not tell her birth mother. Typically, she tells people too fast about both her mental illness and her drug dependency days.

Beth always felt abandoned by her birth family. I hope this situation allows for healing for them without causing alienation for us. Linda sounds fine other than imagining that Beth had a fairy tale life. Pray for us in this touchy situation. We are hoping for the best.