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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Tennis Anyone?

Beth was a very talented tennis player.  She was the number 1 varsity player for a very large high school starting in th 9th grade. She started too late to be World Class but she was well on her way to a college scholarship when the bipolar disorder kicked hr to the curb.

Tonight my phone rang and it was Beth. Apparently she had gone to the public courts and was volleying with a 9 year old girl.
The girl's father who plays tennis noticed her form and explanations of stance, how to hold the racket, etc. He wants Beth to teach his daughter three times a week. Beth was very excited and talked to her Dad for
advice. My husband was a former USTA ranked player and instructor.

I congratulated her and said that good things come from being in good places with good people.

Isn't it odd how all these things are happening at once? I believe that some of your prayers are getting through. Beth wanted to teach and coach tennis. She wanted to compete. She used her physical activity to combat her depression but then she wrecked her knee which ended the competition.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

NO SHOW

I texted Beth last night to please answer if she was alive. No answer. She texted me this morning wanting to withdraw her normal allowance at 8 in the morning. Huh? An addict awake at 8 in the morning.


I said I was afraid she was dead last night. HOw about coming with me to check out the methadone clinic this morning? I told her that she has asked me to stay available for her call about 3 times in the last week and then did not call back for days. I told her that I thought she was near death.  She took about 15 minutes to answer but she said that yes she would come with me to see the methadone clinic.

I let her withdraw her 20 bucks to put enough gas in her tank to get over here and never heard from her again today. There was a man with her. She called me so I knew that it was her and not just someone she gave the phone to.

She was supposed to come to my house by 9 am. At 9:15 I texted her again. No answer. At 10 am I went for a walk with my friend who knows the whole sad story but never mentioned any of this to her. I need to vent. I vent with you because you know this life. I trust my friend but I do not want to contaminate every aspect of the life I have left with this sad business.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

No Answer

The last phone call I got for money was on Sunday. She called on Monday to say that she was going to get her brakes fixed. I said that would be fine as I was just hanging out at home. She would need me to write a check from her account to cover the brakes. She never called but I did see that she withdrew her normal amount from her savings only account.

I texted her this morning to see if she would drive down to the methodone clinic just to look around and find out how it works. There has been no answer. Her phone goes directly to voice mail.

I appreciated your concern and prayers pertaining to my last text. I have done all of those things that you suggested whith much hope but no good results. My daughter could be in rehab by tommorrow morning and she knows it. She hates they way she feels when she is sober.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Will You Find a Good Home For Max IF I DIE?

A friend of Beth told me today that she asked him to find her cat a good home if she dies. She keeps calling me to say that she is going to do one thing or the other and will call me right back. Then I hear nothing for a few days.

She always needs money and I do not give it to her. She is in very bad shape now. Her arms and neck look good but her legs and feet are full of needle marks. It also looks like her car has been loaned out to drug dealers. It is falling apart.

God, please give us the strength to bear what we must.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Puppy Patrol

We have a beautiful, affectionate, sweet sweet puppy that is on my last nerve!  We bought him as we should not have done just after the death of my mother in law. He is a cavalier spaniel that loves to nestle in with us. He is very lovable but he can not hold his business for very long to make it through the night.

This job has somehow inordinately landed on me. Everyone was willing to help and they do help but I am the one constantly spending the majority of time around his pee and poop schedule. There has been trouble in our wigwam over this. Wouldn't it be ironic if we all forgave each other and learned to live a pretty good life in spite of Beth's addiction but split up over a puppy? I would feel perfectly justified in taking him back or finding him a new home but i do love him and he gives me many hours of pleasure just being in the moment watching him. That said, I guess I will set up another schedule and have a family meeting realizing that I am the primary caretaker because I love him now.

Beth called today to get money for the beach. I ignored the call and text. I put her agreed upon amount in the bank on Mon. Wed and Friday. However she has gotten into the habbit of wanting advances on Sun, Tues and Thursday. Tonight I told her no. Mon. Wed and Friday. That is enough of me dealing with her money. I started putting into her savings only account because I did not like her showing up at my house with various and sundry shady characters.

I will go to the Dr. with my 76 year old recently widowed Dad tommorrow. He has some sort of procedure that preceeds a biopsy of the prostrate. He had a high reading. He keeps busy and has always had good health so I hope this is just on of our modern medical scares.

I am so glad to have the time to devote to my Dad and sister. I only wish that I could have retired sooner to be there more for my mom and grandmother. I was just not old enough to start collecting my pension until this summer.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Life Goes ON

I have not posted since my mother in law's funeral. Beth attended the services. She wore a black suit with a long sleeved white collared shirt. Her hair was in an up-sweep and she conducted herself very well. It was a glimpse of her normal side.

She has been on and off of heroine several times since then. She helped a dying woman get into hospice and continued to visit her at the nursing home till the end. She took in another man who was on his last legs. He became psychotic and threatened to kill her. Actually, he cried and said that he loved her but that he was thinking , obsessing about killing her. She took him to the psych ward. They told her the cancer probably took over his brain.

We are invited to a big family wedding at the end of the month. I told Beth that I did not want to exclude her but I can not take the chance of getting picked up with heroine in my car. (It is a 6 hour trip to the wedding.) She said that she will just stay home so as not to be a burden. I said that she could detox once again and I would hold her suboxone for the course of the weekend. She said she would think about it.

The conversation went well but I do dread her reaction to th event. She usually gts involved in some huge self destructive event when left out of something. In any event I can not risk my pension and the legal remifications of her getting caught with the big H on this trip. Of course, this is not to mntion th bizarre behavior that could and probably would happen as well.

My sister has been very ill, almost died but is on th mend now. I did retire from my job and do not intend to pursue other paid employment until the winter. I want to devote time to my father, sister and myself for awhile.