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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

You want to What?

Beth plans to have the man she took to surgery move in with her when he gets out of the nursing home. He will pay half the rent. They are not romantically involved. I do not think it is a good idea. I told her the road blocks.

a. the place is too small
b. she is not emotionally strong enough to  nurse a dying man
c. she does not know him well enough or know how erratic his behavior might be.
d. she does not know his full medical history and prognosis.

She said she will find out about all of this stuff and get back to me. Now he is not dying according to her. I told her that liver cancer is very serious. Chemotherapy is very debilitating. Many do not recover. I also told her that she does not need a roomate to cover her expenses. We will continue to give her work even in the winter. (She thought we would not give her work in the winter ).

He stayed with her for a few days before her surgery and she called me very distraught from seeing him in pain. She was also twisted about his sons not helping him. I said that it is great for her to help others but do not move them into her space. She needs her space to calm herself and to be her own space. She said that she would not put him on the lease. If the land lords object he will go.

I hope she rethinks this odd plan. I also told her that if he was an electrician all his life that his disability payments would be much more than hers so that his proposal to pay 300 per month was really very little. He earns more than her, comes with a lot of baggage but would pay less.

She was irritated at my comments even though she brought up the subject.  I tried to put this advice like have you considered this and this and this.


  1. hmm... he would probably be on some kind of pain medication too...and she shouldn't be around that either.

  2. Well there is so much personal care involved in caring for someone who is dying. I wonder if she is prepared for that? I am talking diapers, cleaning up poop, vomit, mucous from various orifices....I'm sorry I don't meant to be too graphic, but this is the reality. Liver cancer is a big deal and not an easy death.

    However, I do totally get the feeling of wanting to "help" and this probably really gives her a feeling of purpose in her life. It just sounds like its not coming from a healthy place.

  3. no matter what you say, it will be wrong because its not what they want to hear..

    cmon, you have been doing this long enough to know that. :)

    You are loved..
    Brother Frankie

    solo _ my first thought.. no cheap meds either.. im talking morphine. oxcy's can no longer be abused (well, not as easy) as they went to OP nationally.. but he has access to anything.. isnt it funny that was what i thought right away,, see my disease is still hiding below the surface..

  4. This is walking and talking a lot like a duck....

  5. It does sound strange that she is wanting a stranger to live with her. But perhaps she really is wanting to help him. And sees him as being harmless and helpless.