DH and I are on a much needed vacation. We are spending time in Tuscon with his sister and brother in law. We have been having a great time and they have been very kind to us. This is my husband's older sister. She has always done so much to keep the family together.
It occurs to me now that these people are a little like parents to us. We go to them for advice and comfort. In fact, at one point when Beth was younger and the troubles had just started they took her in for awhile. This was before the drugs but just after the mental illness had reared its head.They were not able to cure her but it did give us a break. It also helped her see that we were not the enemy. Nancy and Bill live right next to us in Jersey but spend the winters in Tucson.
I am grateful that we enjoy being with them and that they enjoy us too. They want us to move out here when we retire. I don't know that we will but it is sure nice to be wanted. The weather here is awesome for about 9 months a year. We wake up every day to sunny skies and a crisp cool temperature that requires a light jacket. By the mid-afternoon it is almost t-shirt weather.
Today we went to the University of Arizona during the day. We walked around campus and visited the museum and book store. After that, we came back to their place and sat in front of the outdoor fireplace while listening to jazz and watching the sunset. Then, we made burgers on the grill with some portobello mushrooms , salad and asparagus. It was a great day.
Thank you all for your comments on my last post. Lou hit the nail on the head when she said that I was not asking about enabling really. I was asking if I could force Beth to stop doing drugs by cutting her off. I am not planning on doing that. The only way I could rationalize it would be if I thought it would cure her or if I thought that she was a danger to me. At this point, I do not believe any of those two criteria fit.
It occurs to me now that these people are a little like parents to us. We go to them for advice and comfort. In fact, at one point when Beth was younger and the troubles had just started they took her in for awhile. This was before the drugs but just after the mental illness had reared its head.They were not able to cure her but it did give us a break. It also helped her see that we were not the enemy. Nancy and Bill live right next to us in Jersey but spend the winters in Tucson.
I am grateful that we enjoy being with them and that they enjoy us too. They want us to move out here when we retire. I don't know that we will but it is sure nice to be wanted. The weather here is awesome for about 9 months a year. We wake up every day to sunny skies and a crisp cool temperature that requires a light jacket. By the mid-afternoon it is almost t-shirt weather.
Today we went to the University of Arizona during the day. We walked around campus and visited the museum and book store. After that, we came back to their place and sat in front of the outdoor fireplace while listening to jazz and watching the sunset. Then, we made burgers on the grill with some portobello mushrooms , salad and asparagus. It was a great day.
Thank you all for your comments on my last post. Lou hit the nail on the head when she said that I was not asking about enabling really. I was asking if I could force Beth to stop doing drugs by cutting her off. I am not planning on doing that. The only way I could rationalize it would be if I thought it would cure her or if I thought that she was a danger to me. At this point, I do not believe any of those two criteria fit.
I can feel your broken heart when you write.
ReplyDeleteWe never did no contact. You have to know yourself, and that was just not something I could (or felt I needed) to do.
We can't make up our minds about where to retire either!
I am so glad you got a chance to get away, and spend time with family that cares and loves on you! My sister is my rock, nonjudging, always praying, and always there to listen. That is one of the biggest reasons Tennessee is on my list of retirement locations. I'd be 1.5 hours from her and after 29 years plus, of life keeping us apart, that would be heaven.
ReplyDeleteI never could do the no contact either. I always was willing to meet and buy a meal, share time and show my love in ways that were within boundaries that I had established for my own protection... She has told me many times, she never doubts our love. And even when fully loaded, she always understood the boundaries and she would meet us for a meal and though she often was nodding off while she was with us, I was grateful to have at least that much contact. The fact that we'd not let her come home with us spoke the volumes I needed her to hear. My prayers for you both, and your Beth continue, daily.
I feel like you're right next door! (I wish you were so I could meet you). Enjoy every moment there, it sounds so relaxing and enjoyable!
ReplyDeleteYay for a real vacation! You deserve it! I am hoping my husband and I can get away in June for our 20th anniversary, even for just two nights. Caroline is stable now, but you don't know what tomorrow brings, right?
ReplyDeleteGlad that you are getting a vacation. One day at a time!
ReplyDelete