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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Life Goes On

A very good friend of mine is in the ICU. She has pancreatic cancer and they say she has less than a week to live. She is handling this with great dignity and even occasional humor. I am in awe of her. We have had a lot of fun times together and her friendship has made the hard times easier.

What a devastating disease this is! She is literally a skeleton. A few months ago she was the picture of health.

I got a message on my facebook from Beth's birth mother. She wanted to thank me and tell me how her life has gone since she gave up Beth for adoption when she the birth mother was only 13 years old. apparently Beth never did talk to her. I thought she had. Also, she does not seem to know the trouble that Beth has seen in spite of the fact that this is a pretty small town.

Wow, it was a surprise as I have not heard from her in 25 years. I wonder if contact with her would help or hurt Beth.....  I know that Beth has felt a tremendous sense of rejection and abandonment around the issue of her adoption. No matter how nicely and we have put it nicely the child still feels abandoned. I don't know why this came as such a surprise to us but it did. An adopted child misses their natural parents. Of course they do no matter how good you treat them. It is not their fault. It just is what it is.............

The birth mother tells me that she is about to graduate from nursing school. She will understand if I do not reply as she does not wish to intrude if Beth does not know about her. Beth has always known and always felt different because of it. It might have been better if she did not know but we thought it was best not to keep secrets. She must be about 38 years old by now. I wonder if there is any family history that could shed some light on Beth's mental problems.

I am being very careful what I say to her as I feel that it is Beth's perogative and not mine to share or not share the details of her life with others.


  1. Wow, what a lot to process and think about, huh. ((HUG))

  2. I am sorry for your friend and your present struggles. Hugs to you.

  3. I am saddened to hear of your friend with cancer - its so hard to see someone in those final stages, but she sounds like she has accepted it. I'm sorry you have to go through it.

    Wow, the situation with Beth and her adopted mother is very tricky. I hope you determine what's the best way (if any) to bring it up with her again. 13 years old is WAY too young to be a mother, I admire her for having the baby and giving it up.

    Thinking of you....

  4. Life does go on doesn't it. It is a constant process of adjusting. Hang in there. You have alot to deal with. I'm a new follower. I hope you'll stop by and visit my blog now and then.
    It's great to share the journey with other parents.