Beth and I almost had a normal afternoon. Then on the way back from her Ob appointment she announced that she and G. have some goals. They want to rent a house,buy a car, get jobs and have a baby.
My first inclination was to scream but I said what do you think you would need to do to make that happen? She said, I would need to be clean and that is why I am looking for a methadone clinic. My response was that a baby needs a drug free home and that the state would take away the baby if she was using. She said they knew that and were giving themselves a year to stabelize.
You do not have to tell me that this is a terrible idea. It is not something that I would encourage yet it does seem like a normal desire. I hope that she will actually make some progress getting clean if she starts to value a normal life as opposed to the party lifestyle. She has reconnected with a childhood friend that managed to get clean and has a family now so maybe that is where this comes from.
Beth assured me that she would never get pregnant while using. Up to the present she has taken extraordinary. Precautions including an IUD. I was actually relieved that she did not want to bring children into her sad life. I was afraid to push her into defying me by objecting strenuously to her idea of having a baby 2 years from now. Basically I just said that she had identified the steps to work towards her goal. Now is the time to concentrate on getting clean so that she can have a normal life. I hope I did the right thing. It is hard to know as I am not sure she will ever be stable enough.
Dear God, please help her lift herself out of the prison she is in. Let her be happy with the life she can manage and please do not let her bring more harm to an innocent child.
