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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

She Has Some Goals

Beth and I almost had a normal afternoon. Then on the way back from her Ob appointment she announced that she and G. have some goals. They want to rent a house,buy a car, get jobs and have a baby.

My first inclination was to scream but I said what do you think you would need to do to make that happen?  She said, I would need to be clean and that is why I am looking for a methadone clinic. My response was that a baby needs a drug free home and that the state would take away the baby if she was using. She said they knew that and were giving themselves a year to stabelize.

You do not have to tell me that this is a terrible idea.   It is not something that I would encourage yet it does seem like a normal desire. I hope that she will actually make some progress getting clean if she starts to value a normal life as opposed to the party lifestyle. She has reconnected with a childhood friend that managed to get clean and has a family now so maybe that is where this comes from.

Beth assured me that she would never get pregnant while using. Up to the present she has taken extraordinary. Precautions including an IUD. I was actually relieved that she did not want to bring children into her sad life. I was afraid to push her into defying me by objecting strenuously to her idea of having a baby 2 years from now.  Basically I just said that she had identified the steps to work towards her goal. Now is the time to concentrate on getting clean so that she can have a normal life. I hope I did the right thing. It is hard to know as I am not sure she will ever be stable enough.

Dear God, please help her lift herself out of the prison she is in.  Let her be happy with the life she can manage and please do not let her bring more harm to an innocent child.  

4 comments:

  1. Oh Anna, you handled it perfectly! You validated her feelings and her thoughts, you didn't shame her by telling her what an awful idea it is, you allowed her to dream for a minute and to feel normal. What a gift you gave to her. I know how scary it must feel, to even consider such a thing, BUT we just don't know what the future will hold. We just don't know. Maybe these desires would fuel her into getting some recovery and stability under her belt. Lets just see what she does with it. It might all fall apart too and then it will be a non-issue.

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  2. Anna, Your daughter's desire to live a normal life may give her motivation to attempt to be sober. I see this as a positive development. Perhaps this is a first step.

    Take Care,
    Holly

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  3. While it's certainly a scary situation for you, imagine what a step forward this could be for your daughter. Certainly, she is not ready to have a child now, but even she seems to know that. And having a goal to help her move forward in her recovery is an amazing thing. I think you did the right thing. Stepping forward is the most important thing.

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