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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Birth Mother Visits

Beth's birth mother came for a visit today. She has been in town for the last few days. She stayed overnight with Beth and then went to visit her own mother. It felt like seeing a long lost cousin. Someone who is family but not immediate family.

We were supposed to go to a nice lunch yesterday but that was snowed out. I told Beth to drop by with her to get a picture album that I prepared for her. Actually my other daughter picked out the pictures as it still gets me very emotional to look at those baby pictures!

Linda had the same sweetness and inteligence I remember. We were all a bit nervous but it went well. She told us about her children. They are doing well but she is having teen age problems with the middle boy. It sounded to me like Linda has had a rough 17  out of 25 years. She was married to a guy who abused drugs and alcohol. He was very controlling. In the last few years since her divorce she has finished her GED, gone to work and gone to college. She will finish her degree in May.

It gives me hope that Beth might come along some more as time goes by. Her birthmother is just getting her life on track now at 39. I do not know if she herself ever did drugs but I know that her husband did. Ocassionaly she would say something shocking in a very matter of fact tone. Like when she said " I was married for 17 years to an alcholic and crack head."  She also complained of not being able to remember well on a regular basis. She has a blood disorder that involves forming clots. She also has lupus.

I asked her how often she visits her mother who lives in town. She said about once per year but it has been two years since she has been here. I told her that she will always be welcomed in my house. She said that she loves my husband and I.

He and I discussed it and said that we are not afraid of her. After all that we have been through with Beth this just pales in comparison. If Linda can love Beth and Beth can love Linda........ well she sure does need all the love and freindship that she can find if it is healthy. I was glad to hear them calling each other by their first names. I hope that they can be like friends or sisters. Maybe she understands this drug business better than I do. Maybe she can help Beth either find her way out or stay out of that life.  

Beth and she seemed quite relieved. I think relief is what best describes what I saw. Beth was going with Linda to have dinner with her relatives here in town. That is a tremendous amount of socializing for Beth. I think the snow day really helped her handle it all. She called me that day and was exhausted. I can tell she is doing her best to hold herself together mentallly and put her best foot forward.

Beth so far has been very careful of my feelings. She keeps saying ....... I want to do this or that if it is ok with you. I do not want to jepordize our relationship or hurt you in any way. That is nice of her. It is sometimes a bit strange. Like when the birth mother wanted to tatoo her infant feet from the birth certificate on her leg. I said no to that. No to the tatoo but then I gave her the little picture album to look at.

She only sees her own mom once per year so she probably will not be around here too often.

5 comments:

  1. This was such a positive post. You have developed a very healthy enviroment. Congratulations and prayers for continued healing.

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  2. You are so secure and strong that comes across in this post. What a gift YOU gave to that birth mom and to Beth....to be welcoming and not jealous or threatened and just let things play out as they will, but you set some limits that worked for you. I am so impressed and inspired by you!

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  3. I was going to say almost exactly what Annette said. I am also impressed and inspired! Beth knows who her mom and dad are. Its nice that she got to meet Linda, a big huge question mark can be set aside. Way to go on handling this with grace, compassion and boundaries!

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  4. This is a great story and you are a great example. You know I really believe people come into our lives at the exact time we need them. Maybe Linda is that person to Beth. Maybe Beth will find some answers, some peace and understanding.
    I also agree, the way you are handling this is with such grace and compassion.
    Hugs
    Kelly

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  5. Praise God :) It sounds like everything went as well as can expected - maybe better than I could have thought. Plus a lot seems to have to do with the mature and realistic way DH & you have handled it. It is nice that Beth is concerned about your feelings. But I can figure, no matter what YOU will always be her mom, and I can tell you already know that as well. I think your security is what made it all turn out so well!
    God bless.
    Love & hugs!
    Ha! Just read the other comments - Annette said what I was thinking so much more eloquently than I did :)

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