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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Thursday, August 26, 2010


Today was my first day back to work in six weeks. It is wonderful to have such a long break but there is a price to pay upon returning. As you can imagine, the work is piled sky high. There are tons of emergencies that should have been handled yesterday demanding attention. I arrived home exausted and turned around to go with DH to the nephrologist. His kidneys are still holding steady. The doc ordered a urinalysis to check for bladder or kidney infection because of his frequent and violent chills.

After that, we had salads for dinner and I got a call from my sister that my Mom is back at U of Pennsylvania hospital. She will have a heart catheterization tomorrow. We were on our way to a sleep study for DH who may also have sleep apnea. His cell phone rang. It was his sister telling us that Beth had been in and out of my mother in laws house all day and that the caregiver was missing a ring. D"H said that we will tell her she can not go in there anymore unless we are with her.

I called my sister in law and said that I am not willing to confront Beth today. A dear young friend of hers died in a car accident. I said that she may well have stolen the ring. But I will not confront her on the very day she is burrying a friend on the off chance that we are wrong. I told the story of how I once raised hell with her and searched her things for 300 dollars that I was missing. I had put that money in my jewelery box which I remembered when I found it. She is very capable of stealing in her addiction but she looks like she is trying to me and I do not want to kick her while she is down.

Beth called me last night to tell me she would attend the funeral. We talked about her plans for getting support during and after the service to come out of the predictable funk. I called  my husband to tell him that I had talked to his sister and that we would deal with this issue in a few days. His sister had already called him back. It seems the caregiver found her ring.

Sigh......... I know that the suspicion was earned but I am so glad I decided to wait and that the ring was found.


  1. good call on waiting to ask about the ring, glad that it was found. I've gone through the same thing...found something that I'd forgotten where I put it, thinking that our son stole it. Sad that it's our "go to" reaction, but we've been trained to think that way.
    I hate to hear that Beth has to go through such grief about her friend. It's all so very sad and certainly not helpful to her (or anybody), with her trying hard to do what she needs to do.
    I hope you soon get some answers on your husband's symptoms. My husband does have sleep apnea and uses the CPAP machine and it's been a wonderful help. I thought he'd really hate it but he doesn't even mind, and it sure helps him not be tired now that the apnea has been treated.
    Good luck getting going again at work and I hope that Beth handles well what she has to go through with her friend's death. You are an amazing mom and I admire your strength.

  2. Besides having too much work piled up at the office, by the end of the post I realized, hey, this is all good news... I am too (glad you waited)...
    So glad to hear DH's kidneys got a good report! I do hope they figure out the cause of the chills though soon, it has to be so hard on DH...
    God bless. Praying for you all!

  3. I know from personal experience that recovery addicts must regain the trust of their families and friends. It is a very difficult and long road. But you were so right on waiting and not accusing her. If she is clean, then she has no reason to steal. I hate to hear she is suffering from the loss of a dear friend. Keeping you and her and your family in my prayers.

  4. I've done the same thing - accused Keven of stealing money that I found later. I have hidden it in so many place that I forget sometimes.

    I am sorry about Beth's friend, its so painful to lose someone like that.

    Good luck catching up with your workload!

  5. This "trust" issue was eating me alive so I finally asked my son to listen to "my" issues and after our talk he told me my fears were understandable and he would feel the same way if our rolls were reversed. Wow! I wasn't expecting that response.

    We had a few laughs even, he told me we should install those full body scanners like they have at the airports. :)

  6. It is good to not project and to make sure all the facts are well...facts. I'm glad that the ring was found. Trust is hard to get back once it has been lost. Hang in there at the office.