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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Sunday, August 8, 2010


What was your worst vacation experience with the addict?  Our worst was a few years ago when we had bought tickets to visit my Aunt in Florida. We were looking forward to a winter break for just hubby and me. My aunt is a wonderful hostess and was looking forward to pampering us.

Beth tried to kill herself by taking all her psych meds after cutting up her arms. This all was a result of a fight with the boyfriend who found out that she was using cocaine again. She was admitted to the psych ward and stayed there for a few days. We cancelled to be with her. We told the whole sad story to my aunt who cried and cried.

She has been hospitalized 4 times after attempting suicide. She was in a coma after the most serious attempt. She has made verbal references to another attempt from time to time but no actions in the last two years. This is also an experience which backs me up from a tough love stance. Dealing with a person that you know is capable of taking there own life or at least putting it recklessly on the line in a fit of anger or depression changes a mother's response. Once she did this because she had relapsed and would rather die. The other times involved rejection from a failed romance. She never really acted because of the boundaries that I set and kept. I often feared that response and did what I thought had to be done anyway. I thank God that she is still alive. Where there is life there is hope!



  1. Yes, where is the balance? I have learned not to dwell on seeking a "balance." In the past I have found what I thought was a "balanced life" with my addicted child but then it proved untrue.......again. I then was left with my guilt. The 'What if's."

    My son has never attempted suicide but has threatened to end his life.

    We share a similar fear.

    I do know that our chidren can get well. My prayer is for continued life and the hope that it brings all who suffer.

  2. My gosh, this was hard to read... but I am so glad she is doing well now/today in her own place. Sometimes it is hard to relive things that happened in the past, there is too much pain.
    So glad you had a great trip too!!! Can't answer your question about the worst b/c we never took any trips with her that we had our eyes OPEN as to WHY things happened... THEN, the past 2 years (before this year) I think only ONE trip didn't get cancelled at the LAST minute.
    God bless.
    Love & hugs!

  3. This hits so close to home and I THANK you for what you said "She never really acted because of the boundaries that I set and kept." Keven has had two attempts and once hospitalized himself to avoid acting on a desire to end his life. Ugh. He talks about it almost daily. I have accepted that if he chooses to, he will do it. But I think he would have by now....I keep telling myself the worst is over (am I naive, in denial or ???).

    I am glad Beth is doing better now.

  4. Thank you so very very much for sharing and writing this. It sounds so much like my story. The four attempts, the coma after the most serious attempt. The reason behind the attempts. Are you sure we don't share the same child?
    Thanks for reminding me that her suicide attempts have nothing to do with me and my boundaries but everything to do with her. I need that reminder, especially now :(


  5. Too many to even detail and write about. Thanks for bringing it up ;-)

  6. my worst holiday trip away as an addict .We went to a sea side town smallish to try and stop our using, after 2 day days of feeling like shit we went to the local doctor to see if he could help with the aches and pains.NO WAY GET OUT, so off we went to the local pharmacy to get some over the counter pain meds and something to stop nausea,to our surprise the cops where waiting for us ,the friendly doctors receptionist had called the local police about 2 crazed drug addicts in HER town ,we had to leave there and than even though we had paid in advance for our hotel ,we had to drive 500 km home a danger to every road user along the way.I often wonder if i was able to stay 2 or 3 more days would i have cleaned up as i had just started doing drugs only a month or two earlier.It took 23 years for me to stop,its a long road out of addiction .Ant in Australia

  7. I think some of the memories of family holidays can be categorized as having caused PTSD they were so awful. The most recent one this past January where we asked my daughter to leave after less than 24 hours was right up there with the worst. The screaming and physical fighting and gut-wrenching mental anguish took months to recover from. My hands shook for months at the thought of this "vacation". I didn't talk with my daughter for four months after she was forced "off the island".
    I have come to view the threats/attempts of suicide as more manipulative than real. If she actually succeeded, I reconciled myself with the fact that she has been so miserable at times that life was not worth her suffering. There would be very little I could do to actually stop her if she was determined. I just keep pointing out that hope has never completely died out. It just keeps flaring up and I think that is something worth living for - the hope that things will improve.

  8. In my darkest times, I too thought about suicide. I felt so low and very sad. But a spark within me wanted to keep going. I now realize that I was so angry at the alcoholic and wanted so badly to get her to notice how I was hurting, that I thought about suicide. It truly can be a cry for help I think.