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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Texts, Lies and Family Drama

Many times she has lied to my face. Now she is putting it in writing. Beth texted me that she has been clean for two weeks now. She wanted to know if I was proud of her because it was hard. I said that I was proud and that anything worthwhile was bound to be very hard.

I did not tell her that I do not believe her. I also tried not to discourage her. I have been trying to mind my own business. In the past, I would usually list the evidence of her lack of sobriety. I did not want her to think that she was fooling me. It makes no difference.

Dear son is supposed to move out tommorrow. He is upset because his father and I want him to look for full time work. Mind you I said look not an ultimatum to find work,  just an ulimatum to look. He figures that since we still love Beth in spite of all her issues that we should see his situation as negligable.

His addiction is video games. That is all he wants to do. He is 23 years old soon to turn 24. He has a certificate in plumbing, heating and air conditioning. He will not use that certificate. He works part time in retail. He recently had an absessed tooth as he refulsed to see a dentist for a root canal. We would have paid but he simply refused to go. It makes no sense. Is he just misbehaving or is something more serious going on with him as well?          

                                                                                                                                                     He was the one I worried about as a child. He had attention deficit disorder and a lot of trouble in school. He totally rejects Beth and wants nothing to do with her. He says that he will move out tomorrow because he will not comply with our wishes for him to make a plan and look for full time work.

Since he refuses to talk to his father or me I wrote him a letter. I told him that I want him to sit down and talk these things out with us. I need him to make a plan and carry it out. I offered to help him with deposits for an apartment if he decides to go. I said that my love is unconditional and I still want him to come around and be part of the family. I said that when he does want to talk I will make it my first priority and that we only want what we think is best for him. We sometimes make mistakes but the mistakes are out of love.

We will see what happens tomorrow with dear husband and dear son. Dear husband says look for a job full time, talk to us and make a plan or move. I see my husband's point. I know my son has struggles, real struggles with his ADHD but he does waste 5 or 6 hours per day playing video games. A change needs to be made. Dear son does pay rent and his car insurance. We did that to motivate him but it did not work.  Why is change always so hard?

The youngest of my children is doing well in college and holding down a waitressing job at the same time. She sometimes makes herself sick by working too much. Each child is so different. One is very responsible and hard working. One is more than a little too laid back and then of course there is Beth. She was the shining star but now she is a five star addict.


  1. "It makes no difference" You got THAT right Anna!

    I've always been glad I had a husband to help physically enforce the rules, just in case. I always pictured me (5'3") demanding that my 6'2" son "get out."

    Pls update my blog link. You have my old hijacked blog on there. The Russians have that one!

  2. oh Anna. you are so very right. none of it makes any kind of sense at all.

  3. Anna, you and I have so much in common! I just have one extra kid. :o)

  4. I was at a "family" group therapy session for with B last week and one of the topics was how addicts will look you in the eye and tell you they are sober 5 seconds after they took a hit. B lied to me so many times that I too got to a point where I wouldn't even point out the obvious.

    Both my kids are very different too and my 13 y.o. is addicted to Video Games. Mostly our fault he was so young dealing with an addicted brother and a Mother who spent way too much time trying to "fix it." We are still trying to figure out a happy medium with the games. Not easy.

  5. I think that the worst part is trying to change others because it doesn't work. I agree with your husband on this one, Anna. He is 23 years old. Time to leave the nest and find his own way. He will quickly figure out that he needs money to live. Right now, there is little incentive to work because he has a nice home to live in. It is different when a person is on their own.

  6. This entitled generation is frightening, isn't it? I was married with a child by 23. I don't recommend that, by the way...just say'n. :)