I purchased tickets last night to fly Beth home for her disability hearing. Her mental illness shattered her life and led to her addiction. She used to be my brightest most promising child. At least she remembers her triumphs. Some people never get any!
I am going to try to treat her with dignity and respect and mind my own business. Plan B is if I get disturbed or too wrapped up in her behavior I will send her to a cheap hotel for the few days she is here. I have seen her do 3 weeks clean many times when trying to turn over a new leaf so she may well be able to do it even if her pledges of reform do not hold up.
I am somewhat concerned mostly because of my work. Of course that is going to be a very harrowing time for me as I have a federal audit going on at work at the same time she will be in my home. I told hubby if things get too bad I might go and stay with my girlfriend during that time. I do not want to be up all night and then perform poorly at work.
I suggested to her to get on suboxone as soon as she gets home. We both know for a certanty that she can hold herself together on that for three weeks or more. She said no Mom, I am clean. I know I am supposed to believe her. I even acted like I did because I know that she wishes it were true.
In a strange way these odd decisions have freed me up to lead my own life. Other than offering her shelter, I am much more compliant with alanon principles. Also, I notice that a lot of alanon members are living with addicts and alchoholics. We are not required to kick them out to keep on coming back to meetings.
I will not tolerate violence, disrespect or endangering the people in this house. I have a plan A and B. I will lock up my valuables and try to mind my own business. I will give my girl all the love I can and try to remind her that another life is still possible for her. I f she worries me by staying out all night which she has promised not to do I will send her somewhere else to sleep and keep my distance just taking her to her hearing. If she can hang out here with the family and act like she wants to be here then hopefully we can find some good moments amidst all the sorrow and struggle that we have known.
My husband and other two kids are alright with this. Finally we agree! They all think that this would never have happened if her mind had not snapped around 16 years of age. They have more anger towards her but they do agree with this point.
The weather here is georgeous. The colors are just stunning with bright pink dogwoods and yellow freesia all in bloom! I hope you all are enjoying your spring.
On Being Afraid
1 month ago