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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Tickets Purchased

I purchased tickets last night to fly Beth home for her disability hearing. Her mental illness shattered her life and led to her addiction. She used to be my brightest most promising child. At least she remembers her triumphs. Some people never get any!

I am going to try to treat her with dignity and respect and mind my own business. Plan B is if I get disturbed or too wrapped up in her behavior I will send her to a cheap hotel for the few days she is here. I have seen her do 3 weeks clean many times when trying to turn over a new leaf so she may well be able to do it even if her pledges of reform do not hold up.

I am somewhat concerned mostly because of my work. Of course that is going to be a very harrowing time for me as I have a federal audit going on at work at the same time she will be in my home. I told hubby if things get too bad I might go and stay with my girlfriend during that time. I do not want to be up all night and then perform poorly at work.

I suggested to her to get on suboxone as soon as she gets home. We both know for a certanty that she can hold herself together on that for three weeks or more. She said no Mom, I am clean. I know I am supposed to believe her. I even acted like I did because I know that she wishes it were true.

In a strange way these odd decisions have freed me up to lead my own life. Other than offering her shelter, I am much more compliant with alanon principles. Also, I notice that a lot of alanon members are living with addicts and alchoholics. We are not required to kick them out to keep on coming back to meetings.

I will not tolerate violence, disrespect or endangering the people in this house. I have a plan A and B. I will lock up my valuables and try to mind my own business. I will give my girl all the love I can and try to remind her that another life is still possible for her. I f she worries me by staying out all night which she has promised not to do I will send her somewhere else to sleep and keep my distance just taking her to her hearing. If she can hang out here with the family and act like she wants to be here then hopefully we can find some good moments amidst all the sorrow and struggle that we have known.

My husband and other two kids are alright with this. Finally we agree!  They all think that this would never have happened if her mind had not snapped around 16 years of age. They have more anger towards her but they do agree with this point.

The weather here is georgeous. The colors are just stunning with bright pink dogwoods and yellow freesia all in bloom! I hope you all are enjoying your spring.


  1. Oh Anna, you have to do what works for you and your family. None of us know exactly what that will be. And I LOVE that Alanon is a program of self discovery....there are no "musts" in Alanon, thus no guilt. I am praying for you and your daughter.

  2. I love that about Al-Anon. That there are no requirements. We all make our own decisions and find our own way. And we are always welcomed back. I will keep the two of you in my prayers. Take care of yourself.

  3. That's so exciting to be able to be with her again...even if for a short time! I hope everything goes well. My prayers are with you and Beth!

  4. Alanon is the only way I have found any peace in this experience. I hope the visit goes well and your audit too. Take Care.

  5. Sounds like you have things planned out really well to work for you and for Beth! I'll be praying extra for her during the three weeks home. I hope all of you are pleasantly surprised at how well things go.

    Mental Illness devastates so many families :( I am sorry its done this to your girl.

  6. Have you ever thought of Family Therapy? When my son was in his active addiction I never gave up hope but I did have to give up enabling. After eight years and many rehabs later, he is sober and has his first "real job" in ten years. My son is also bipolar and still gets therapy on a weekly basis. This June he will be sober two years.

  7. Please keep us informed. I wish you luck. It won't be easy, but it sounds like you have set the boundaries. Just protect yourself. You and Beth are in my prayers.

  8. This is for April 30th? A lady at an Al-Anon meeting last week said about if we are having anxiety about the future, we are thinking about it without God being in it with us. I thought this was very interesting as I am the queen of worrying about upcoming/future things. You have all your plans worked out, so I'll just say, remember, God will be there too :)
    Oh, how great it will be when you get to hug her when she comes off that plane!!!

  9. Anna, I'm glad that you are doing what seems best for her and for you. It sounds as if you have the plan and boundaries to deal with her behavior whatever it may be. Good luck.