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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

Trying to Mind My Own Business

Not the boyfriend tells me that Beth has not taken her cat home. She tells me that she is back in her apartment but that is probably not true if she does not have the cat. I keep putting her suboxone in the mailbox but I am not comfortable with this. I think I will give the meds to hubby to dole out Mon-Friday. Also all of this may change with the drug test on Wed.

Every time she comes off a big bender like this she is skinny and proud of it. She is remorseful and sick of the drug life but proud to be thin. I wonder if some of this is fueled by her desire to be thin. (I will just use for a little while and then loose some weight fast!)

Who knows? I had a nice breakfast with my husband and brother in law. He just faced life and death with severe angina followed by several stents. I was going to go to the movies with them but petered out in the last few minutes because I just felt so sad. I went home, took a nap, read a book, cleaned up some and started to research retirement options. Would the reduction in stress help me? Or is it possible that the lack of structure would encourage me to dwell even more on Beth's problems?

Surely I must develop a plan to put structure but no undue stress on myself during retirement. I could teach a few college classes or be a literacy volunteer plus a regular exercise class and a breakfast or lunch meeting with the girls once a week seems in order.

What are your plans for occupying yourselves in retirement?


  1. Seriously, I don't know if we will ever get to retire.

  2. I'm yearning for it....but can't do it yet. I would LOVE to volunteer in some way and just can't even imagine being bored at all, ever. I just have too many things I'm interested in and have never had enough time to pursue them. I'm really hoping that after this year, next year is my last year teaching..but that may be not realistic...we'll see.

    I can see how your concerns make sense regarding you be retired, your daughter, your stress....and most certainly, needing some relief. I keep you and her in my prayers.

  3. I stay busy with lots of things since retiring. I have found life to be filled with so much to do since I no longer work. And it is all good!

  4. well, OUR plans have changed, since we already ARE retired, and we are raising an 8 and 11 year old and have been for the last 8 years. So our plans of selling everything we own and buying a liveaboard boat and travelling the world are now gone. We will do PTA meetings, pediatrician appts, counseling and cheering, softball and soccer. It's not what we chose, but it's what we are going to do. Just another way that I say the TRUE victims of drug addiction are the family members, not the addicts themselves. We had no choice whatsoever in their decisions, yet WE have to live out the consequences of their behaviors for years and years. Still, I wouldn't change the way it turned out. The girls are wonderful, and we have reached a place where we are detached.

  5. Since I am "single" for the first time in 23 years, I can't really think of retirement. At least not yet.

    And Fractalmom, you point about the victims of addiction is very true. Yet you have truly made lemonade out of lemons because it is obvious you love those children.

  6. Retirement? I just hope I can get a job to retire from. I have no money, no 401k, no nothing. Thankfully my family won't let me live on the streets but this is NOT the life I imagined for myself at all.

  7. Our retirement dream has been delayed by the crash in house values, the fall of our few stocks, and the reduction in interest rates on our small savings. That and the insurance situation (I can't get any!) have caused my DH to have to continue working part time, simply for benefits, and me to continue working full time, to pay the bills. The dream of a small chunk of Tennessee mountain land and a small house (as far "off the grid" as I can manage) has also been tabled indefinitely. We still have a modified dream, and when that dream happens, I'm going to have no problems filling my time, with my quilting and sewing, exercise class, long walks with dogs (we have a dog walking/sitting business also), and I haven't watched TV regularly in years, so I am going to indulge in a rerun or a movie each night!

    My daughter says one of the biggest temptations to use for her right now is the number of pounds she's gained over the last year. She exercises like a fiend, and it sticks with her. Self image is a crazy trigger for her.

    Prayers continue for you and yours....