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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Mom Died on This Day One Year Ago

     This was the day one year ago that I got word of my mother's death. I am glad I went to see her 3 times during her last illness. She was in Florida and I was in NJ working full time. We knew it was serious but we thought she would live longer than she did. She had end stage heart disease.

  It seems as though all of the sudden, we are so much more alone. We always lived near and were involved with our families. Although my parents wintered in Florida, they spent the rest of the year within walking distance of us. My husband's parents lived right next to us as did his sister. My mother died and both of my in-laws died in the last two years. My sister- in - law has her house for sale and spends the winter in Arizona. She had also lived on the same block.

Actually, I am relieved that this is the end of the day on Feb 26th. Ever since I got the hospice card at the beginning of the month marking this milestone in my life I have been uneasy about this day.

I will start over again tomorrow and try to pull myself up. Today I gave in to the wallowing. I remember my mother saying.....let the dead bury the dead and move on with your life. Tomorrow I will try.



  1. I found a voice mail from my mom from about a month before she died. She was short of breath and had been worrying and obsessing about my addict brother. She was calling to huff and puff that she had heard from someone who had seen him and he was ok. The message made me cry and I could just imagine standing there saying, "What the hell are you crying about?" LOL And that made me laugh.

    Did I tell you this story already? LOL I am hanging around my Alzheimer clients too much!

    Anyway, there are many days that still hurt, but it is a comfort to know that our mom's are comfortable and well loved where they are today. No more pain or suffering or worrying.

    Tomorrow will be a new day. Buy yourself some flowers and then press one as a memorial to your mama. ((HUG))And thank you for that very sweet email. I really do care so much Anna and am so glad we have become friends.

  2. Thanks for reminding me that she is comfortable now. She was in so much pain before hospice. No more pain or suffering or worrying though she never was one to worry just one to do. I hope to draw strength from the memory of how she would just do.

  3. My family has always been scattered around the world, and frankly I always felt alone. That's why it is so important to me my husband and 2 kids stay together. I really cling to the idea of family.

    Well, life hasn't turned out exactly that way. But I've come to appreciate my small family and we do love each other.

    You always remind me of the struggles my mother went through to keep me (her parents wanted her to put me up for adoption) and the marriage she stayed in for me. Mothers are so strong...

  4. I think its very healthy to "wallow" in your sorrow. Grief needs to be expressed and felt! I remember hearing the news of your mom's death as if it were yesterday. Sadly several in our community here have lost their moms in recent years. Give yourself permission to feel what you're feeling. Thinking of you.

  5. It's okay to be sad and okay to miss your mom. An anniversary always brings back memories, and soon you will remember more and more fo the good times. Xx

  6. I think that missing a parent is what we do--some part of us still wants them to be present. I miss both of mine.