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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Shifting My Focus to Recovery

     Today was as pleasant as could be given there is an addict in our family although not living in our house. I spent the morning huggle buggling with my husband of 30 years. It was soooo cozy under those covers and so brisk upstairs that we lolled around in bed till almost 10. Then my best friend came to pick me up to do our 3 mile Sunday morning walk around the inside of the mall.

     I was telling her about the dinner that I enjoyed on Friday night with a girfriend from my old school district. Much to my surprise Flo and I talked for about 2 hours during dinner and before our movie mostly about her work situation. It was fun catching up with her and it did not occur to me right away that I did not learn a thing about my old responsibilities in that district. Flo did not tell me a thing about what has happened and who has taken charge of my numerous responsibilities. She did not tell me because I did not ask. I did not ask because I did not care. Wow, I am very grateful for that. How soon we forget the work world!

After the walk in the mall my husband and I were looking for something to do. We decided to go to a free jazz concert at our local community college. The musicians and vocalists were wonderful. None of them were paid but they love to play together. They practiced for over a year and then put on a free show. That is what community is all about.

Our expectations were not high but they were greately exceeded. Every single musician was proficient and a number of the soloists just blew us away. After that, we came home. I made a simple dinner of boiled shrimp with cocktail sauce, tossed salad and a tortellini soup. So that was a concert and a pretty good dinner with no cash put out today!

The rest of the evening was spent watching the superbowl with my youngest daughter, her boyfriend, and my husband and son. It was a good day and a good weekend.

Beth called me 3 times during the last week. I was not able to pick up the phone immediately but I called her back and texted her back to which she did not reply. You know the old phone tag thing. She talked to my husband once and told him something about a check which he just referred her to me. It is tempting to worry about her. OMG if I checked on her every time I got worried that is all that I would do. She made the calls so she was ok at those times and did not indicate any emergency. Notice how I still must justify living my own life to myself.

A therapist I once saw told me that healing from the trauma of her addiction would be directly proportional to how well I could shift the focus of my attention to something else. That really shocked me. I remember saying "IS THAT ALL THERE IS TO IT?" I thought that there would be some kind of deep meaning or majic involved in working through my issues. Well, don't think that it was easy because it is now about 5 years after talking with that therapist and I am just now starting to do what she said. LOL  When you think about it, maybe shifting their attention to something else is also what the addicts have to do to stay clean. They have to keep substituting other actions, activities, prayers, meetings etc. for their addiction. They have to learn how to enjoy other things in life. Hmmmm, the addicts are addicted to their drugs so they have to always resist the pull. We get pulled toward an obsession with them which we also have to move beyond.


  1. Sounds like a great day Anna! And you needed that!
    Gosh, you brought back memories.. that phone thing. I remember and.. it's a been a long time for me, whenI would say to my husband, she hasn't called me back. I would worry, fret over it, little did I know it was another one of their habits or part of their addiction. Or yet another clue to me she was back to using. Then if she did call .. I would say, well I was willing to help a week ago,but you never called back. And I FINALLY got it... don't engage! LOL.. so much easier for me to become healthy.
    We had a similar dinner, tuna steaks and a salad I got off pintrest. It's like we are fueling our soul finally, we have the time and desire and deserve it don't we? Hugs to you! Kelly

  2. Sounds like a great weekend. I was recently told something very similar by a therapist...but it takes practice!

  3. You sound so much happier and calmer these days. You have turned the (proverbial) corner;)

  4. I like the term huggle buggling. I think that I will suggest some huggle buggling tonight.

  5. What your therapist told you is so simple and yet so profound. Thanks for sharing that!