It is amazing how we could have such a miserable morning and then actually enjoy the afternoon. We decided to go to the family picnic anyhow. My sister in law has a place right on the beach and she had invited us down. It was soooo hot here that we thought oh well let's go sit on the beach. It will be a little cooler
I finished trying to make my mom's potato salad. We packed up and went to the shore. Joy came with us. She can do impressions of just about anyone famous, her customers at the restaurant, or the neighbors. Her Dad can too! They got to doing their various accents and we all laughed. We laughed, sat on the beach, walked and then had a nice take out Greek dinner complimented by my potato salad and some snacks that Nancy made. ( It must be genetic........ even though I had to guess at the recipe the potato salad was great! It was all gone fast.)
Nancy asked if Beth was still home. I said for the time being and rapidly changed the subject. I normally tell her the truth and she will know within a few days but this was a mercy lie. I did not want to ruin her hospitality with this sad news. Joy and DH thought that was for the best.
In spite of the fact that it was 98 degrees inland, the breeze off the ocean was pleasantly cool. We were on the beach for 4 hours!
Beth just came over here to pick up a few things. She discussed her housing plans with me in a calm and polite fashion. Just like when she first came home. She said that she was sorry it ended so poorly yesterday. I said that I was too. I suggested that she give plan B consideration. It would give her enough money to maintain a car and take her out in the country far away from the drug zone. This involves renting a room instead of an entire apartment. It is in a very rural area within walking distance of the bay. She listened and talked for about 5 minutes and then she was gone.
I found it a relief to come home and be able to use my own kitchen and family room. No mess, no tip toeing around trying not to upset her. It was also good not to have to lock my purse in the car and sleep with my car keys.
Josh surprised me by not being happy that she was gone. He said, there is no way she should live in town. I agree but I can not control where she lives only that her money goes to food, and shelter. He seems to have gained a greater appreciation for her struggles . He used to be so mad at me for even talking to her. He also was very rebellious and did not want me in his business. Now, he holds my hand and tells me he loves me a few times a week.
In spite of how things have turned out, this family has been the most important thing in my life for the past 28 years. I really believed with no doubt whatsoever that if a person put this much time , work, passion and energy into something that it just had to turn out right......... Let's not go to the pity party. There are still lots of good parts to my family and my life. It also time for me to get more of a life for myself.
Thanks to all of you. It really meant a lot to me that you were there so fast for me in the last few days.
On Being Afraid
1 month ago