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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Miserable Morning, Nice Family Fourth

It is amazing how we could have such a miserable morning and then actually enjoy the afternoon. We decided to go to the family picnic anyhow. My sister in law has a place right on the beach and she had invited us down. It was soooo hot here that we thought oh well let's go sit on the beach. It will be a little cooler

I finished trying to make my mom's potato salad. We packed up and went to the shore. Joy came with us. She can do impressions of just about anyone famous, her customers at the restaurant, or the neighbors. Her Dad can too!  They got to doing their various accents and we all laughed. We laughed, sat on the beach, walked and then had a nice take out Greek dinner complimented by my potato salad and some snacks that Nancy made. ( It must be genetic........ even though I had to guess at the recipe the potato salad was great! It was all gone fast.)

Nancy asked if Beth was still home. I said for the time being and rapidly changed the subject. I normally tell her the truth and she will know within a few days but this was a mercy lie. I did not want to ruin her hospitality with this sad news. Joy and DH thought that was for the best.

In spite of the fact that it was 98 degrees inland, the breeze off the ocean was pleasantly cool. We were on the beach for 4 hours!

Beth just came over here to pick up a few things. She discussed her housing plans with me in a calm and polite fashion. Just like when she first came home. She said that she was sorry it ended so poorly yesterday. I said that I was too. I suggested that she give plan B consideration. It would give her enough money to maintain a car and take her out in the country far away from the drug zone. This involves renting a room instead of an entire apartment. It is in a very rural area within walking distance of the bay. She listened and talked for about  5 minutes and then she was gone.

I found it a relief to come home and be able to use my own kitchen and family room. No mess, no tip toeing around trying not to upset her. It was also good not to have to lock my purse in the car and sleep with my car keys.

Josh surprised me by not being happy that she was gone. He said, there is no way she should live in town. I agree but I can not control where she lives only that her money goes to food, and shelter. He seems to have gained a greater appreciation for her struggles . He used to be so mad at me for even talking to her. He also was very rebellious and did not want me in his business. Now, he holds my hand and tells me he loves me a few times a week.

In spite of how things have turned out, this family has been the most important thing in my life for the past 28 years. I really believed with no doubt whatsoever that if a person put this much time , work, passion and energy into something that it just had to turn out right.........  Let's not go to the pity party. There are still lots of good parts to my family and my life. It also time for me to get more of a life for myself.

Thanks to all of you. It really meant a lot to me that you were there so fast for me in the last few days.




  1. I'm so glad Beth came by, even just to pick stuff up, and you guys were able to talk about options and part on pretty good terms... And I'm ecstatic that you and your family were able to salvage the rest of the day and enjoy a wonderful Fourth celebration and yummy dinner... Memories in the making, tinged with regret that one is missing, but still, good memories.

    I'm still praying! Love, hugs and prayers!

  2. What a difficult day, Anna. Even so, you pulled from it some good. You spent time with family and friends and were able to relax and enjoy yourself. You had the realization that you have to cherish the good parts of your family and not let Beth destroy everything in her wake. It is good to look around and see that you have built a family and home that you want to protect. In that is the message that you have done well. When we have someone telling us that we are the reason for everything bad, (even if there is NO truth to their words) it does stick in our minds and cast a shadow over everything. You let the sun shine on it all this afternoon.
    Yes, you do have to allow yourself more of a life. It is so hard when one of our children is suffering. It seems that we can only be as happy as our least happy child. Some mother maxim!
    xx kris

  3. Anna, I am glad that things with Beth have settled down a bit. It sounds like you had a really good holiday.