I just came home from what DH refers to as my druggie meetings otherwise known as alanon. The topic was boundaries. People shared about how they set boundaries. There were a few points that I want to remember so I am going to jot them down here.
1. We always have choices. The addicts have choices but so do we.
2. When we feel resentment it is time to set a limit.
3. When we fear for our own well being either emotionally or physically it is time to set a boundary. We are not meant to live in fear.
4. Boundaries should also be about what we want to experience. For example: in order to have peace and serenity I need...........................
5. If we allow unacceptable behavior in a loved one it is just like setting the replay button. The behavior will happen again.
6. We can ask ourselves if what we are be asked to do is for someone's convenience or is it actually a need.
7. If objects or insults are being hurled I will go somewhere else. Preferably, the person hurling the insults or objects will remove themselves.
8. Violence is unacceptable.
9. Living in fear is unacceptable.
10. I am a complete and separate human being on my own. I am not joined at the hip with the addict.
Thanks to all my alanon friends for sharing from their strength and hope.
On Being Afraid
1 month ago