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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Notes on Boundaries

I just came home from what DH refers to as my druggie meetings otherwise known as alanon. The topic was boundaries. People shared about how they set boundaries. There were a few points that I want to remember so I am going to jot them down here.

1.  We always have choices. The addicts have choices but so do we.
2. When we feel resentment it is time to set a limit.
3.  When we fear for our own well being either emotionally or physically it is time to set a boundary. We are not meant to live in fear.
4.  Boundaries should also be about what we want to experience. For example: in order to have peace and serenity I need...........................

5. If we allow unacceptable behavior in a loved one it is just like setting the replay button. The behavior will happen again.

6.  We can ask ourselves if what we are be asked to do is for someone's convenience or is it actually a need.

7.  If objects or insults are being hurled I will go somewhere else. Preferably, the person hurling the insults or objects will remove themselves.

8.  Violence is unacceptable.

9.  Living in fear is unacceptable.

10. I am a complete and separate human being on my own. I am not joined at the hip with the addict.

Thanks to all my alanon friends for sharing from their strength and hope.


  1. Great post and something that I will print out. Thanks for sharing this.

  2. Wow, this was really good! Those druggie meetings can be so helpful ;)

  3. As I am not attending "druggie meetings," I appreciate your sharing these really valuable comments. Great stuff!

  4. This list applies not only to those dealing with addicts but also people trying to navigate life with a mentally ill person. This is a very valuable list but each item is so hard to perform on a regular basis - for me anyway. I will print this out, too, and will try very hard to memorize it.

  5. yes thank you so much for sharing this. Boundaries are so important, one thing I have to remind myself is to not set a boundary if I cannot keep it.

  6. Great list...Thanks for sharing!!

  7. Thanks for sharing. I really needed to read something like this right now.

  8. I have heard boundaries discussed, but never had some check points to begin to navigate a path through my jumbled thoughts. THANKS!

  9. Love, love, love this! Good points, all!!

  10. Thank you so much for sharing this! Very concise! I've printed it out as I know it will come in handy - something to read often!
    God bless.