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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Mania or Drug Induced Mania is Still Mania

Well. Beth is cranking up the guilt. She texted me several times today until I said that I was exhuasted and had to sleep. I would be turning off the phone for a few hours. She now says that since I do not trust her and she is going stark raving mad from being so isolated that she will enroll in the damn free outpatient drug patient program to provide me with testing.

She feels quite put upon that no one trusts her. She is in a deep deep depression like she was in high school when she was cutting herself. She has been breaking things in her apartment and throwning glass bottles against the floor.

I replied that trust is earned. I love her because she is in my heart and soul. Trust, on the other hand is earned. I also told her about my premonition that she would be a student at my University. I really did have that premonition on Monday. I could just feel her excitement at being there. I shared that with her and she got really pissed. All she wants is a car. She does not want a drug program, she will do it if she can get ahold of them but she does not want to.

I ignored that tirade via text and reminded her that she can call 911 if she feels worse. I said that a few days in the hospital might get her more stable and they could help her set up the other program.

DD2 will be in charge of whatever issues come up with Beth in my absence. There are two people who are willing to help her. I will be available by phone. I have not told Beth that I am going away because she ALWAYS has a crisis when I am away. Hopefully, she will not fine out as I think we can communicate well by text from PR.

Hubby is up and getting around pretty well. He almost went back to his office today. I really really want him to retire! Money would be tight but we could do it. I am glad I retired eventhough I cried when the first pension check came in. There is such a big difference between that gross and net especially when you retire. I always counted on a pension that goes up with the cost of living. Our governor took that away since I retired. This does not seem legal but it is true.

Anyhow, I am very appreciative of my new life. I have more time to take care of my family and do the things I want like teaching at the University.

 My job was very high stress. I supervised over 200 teachers in 4 different departments spread out between 6 different schools grades k-12. I never forgot that school was about learning. The most important players are the students and teachers. My new boss said that I thought like a teacher. That was supposed to be bad. I could not please him even when he gave me the worst assignments and I did them well. Funny thing is that there are a lot of other middle aged women and some middle aged men experiencing the same dilema.

We went out for a nice dinner tonight to celebrate DD2's birthday. She is 23 and a sweetheart.
If I had only had this one child, I would have thought that child rearing was easy and that I had a real knack for it. Anyway, we followed a family tradition and she went out to eat with just my husband and I. We will have more of a group celebration after the trip. DD2 loves her speach therapy classes. She feels called to do this work. I am so glad that she has found something that she likes.

We are keeping our fingers crossed for PR!


  1. My fingers are crossed for PR too! I am so glad you like your new life, you have earned it!

    Happy Birthday to DD2!

  2. Anna, I wanted to tell you that you are absolutely right about the psych meds. He has been off for 6 weeks now, and his behavior got much more erratic. Extremely paranoid, hypochondria, social isolation...then he takes all his money and runs off.

    I feel bad because I played a part in advising him to try going off.