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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

I Wish You Didn't Adopt Me

That is what Beth said when I would not drop everything and gather papers from her accident that she needs for court tommorrow morning. She also wanted a check for a hundred dollars to pay the public defender. I said no more checks. I will mail it in. If they put you in jail then so be it. I am done going to court and stopping my life to run around for you.

That is when she said, " I wish you did not adopt me."  I replied that  " I wish  you had never become an addict or better yet never touched drugs."

This was the first time I had talked to her in a week. It felt better to get a little distance. She does not want to go to jail. Amazingly, she was able to get her own accident report within an hour from the police. She also found a trustworthy relative to walk her check to the courthouse in the morning.

Her public defender tells her that she will get off from the parafanalia charges she got on a technicality. That is too bad as there is a possibility that she would try to comply with the court. Any tips on getting the court to send her to mandated drug program? She had another paraphanalia charge (needles) previously but it was dropped after she completed a 30 day rehab. She missed her last court day because of the car crash where she broke 6 vertabrae.

The local police know her but keep giving her a lot of chances. She was a pathetic figure in her body cast the last time she was in court. Anyone would have assumed that such a serious accident would wake her up.Soooo, ther is a previous charge of shop lifting a candy bar, wandering in a drug zone and possession of paraphanalia. Then, a new charge for paraphanalia in the car while being pulled over and asleep at the wheel, followed by this terrible accident. At what point do they serve time or make them do probation with drug testing. Is this a possibility at this point?


  1. Even with all of Alex's court stuff I still don't understand the "system".

    I think it is "rigged" but I can't even figure out by whom, for whom and how. LOL One thing I know for sure the core of the system is 99% about money.

  2. Oh Anna, don't take to heart what the addict says when high. I have forgiven all the hurtful words, although at the time they did sting.

    Ron is right. I have no idea why Beth is not in jail. If she were a male, I'm convinced she would be. Andrew spent months on end in county jail for shoplifting charges. Then he would get fined at the sentencing. Then he wouldn't pay the fine. Then a warrant would be issued. Then he would be stopped, and taken back to jail for the warrant. Wait several months in jail. Get fined...repeat for 12 years.

    It is the only system we have. But it takes much more logic than the addicted mind can handle. That is why they get ensnared, and the county official who is on his 3rd DUI walks free.


  3. I know you know that her words were intended to hurt you, but that she certainly didn't mean it. I've heard "I wish you would have had an abortion" from Keven.

    From my experience in the CA court system Beth should have been in jail and/or a drug program long ago!!! I don't understand why. It does seem that the courts go easier on females for some reason. I'd say 80% of the people in Kev's former court program were male.

    Hang in there, lady, you're doing all the right things. Hugs.

  4. You can go to court and ask to speak in behalf of what you think would be in her best inteests.

  5. I FOUGHT extremely hard to get the drug court program for B. It took hours and hours and it all started because they kept giving him numerous chances.

    Many disagree with what I did, I don't regret it for a minute. It sucked, I felt guilty when he was in jail, but today my son is sober. I don't know what will happen tomorrow, but if he uses he will go back to jail. It's an intense program and it is hard on all of us however, him using was much harder. He gets really pissed off at times (mainly this past week and a half) that he is in this program, but he still hasn't used.

    When he was complaining to his Counselor this week her reply was, "of course it sucks, if you use then you get to go back to jail, there is no easy way out this time and you have no where to run." The other Couselor told him, "B for once in your life wouldn't it be great to actually finish something you start? Think of how grateful you will be when you get your graduation party?" Last night he said, "Mom, I am going to be up on time, we will leave on time and I am walking in there just before 7:00 am (instead of his typical 10 min late) and doing it with a big smile."

    He did. Even had time to stop and get coffee.

    I never in a million years would have thought the best gift I could've given my son was a jail sentence. If he relapses he has some tools to get sober again and he has consequences FINALLY.

  6. If you want, someone was nice enough to share a letter with me that they wrote to the Judge, I am happy to share with you what I gave the Judge just email me and I will scan the stuff and send it to you. I was told due to funding this program is tough to get in and the only chance he had getting in was me writing the Judge.