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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Who is in charge of your oxygen?

     We got up early today and drove to see two assisted living facilities. They were both very pretty and clean. They offered many activites as well. They were both certified for memory care patients but we are not sure that they are appropriate. You see with 24 hour personal care ,mom in law already gets more attention than they offer. I think we will try to supplement the help we have here upon occasion and get some more activities going. The socialization and mental stimulation is better at the facilities.

     Beth called her Dad while we were on the road. She talked about the pets that the people she is living with have rescued. She talked about scuba diving and looking for a job. There was no more mention of long term rehab. Why am I not surprised?

    As a final note she said that when her buddies go underwater she drives the boat and makes sure that they have enough oxygen. She is perfectly safe driving that boat sober though there was nothing to lead me to believe that she is sober.

   Her Dad just shot the breeze with her and that was that. I am glad she is alive and well. She did not ask for money. Must be one of these friends is supporting her for now. Since there was no valentine's day crisis I can only assume that there is a new boyfriend. It is De ja vu all over again. The only difference is that i am not asking her 20 questions and trying to persuade her to change. Something does not feel right about pretending to think all is well when I know that it is not.

None the less, I am still trying to get my 90 day break from obsession with her so it was good we did not talk. Beth took up about 15 minutes today.

None of my talking, begging , pleading , reasoning, bargaining or bribing has done any good so far so I might as well take a step back to get more control of my own life.


  1. "Letting go and letting God" is a hard thing to do. But you said it all in your last paragraph. I'll keep you both in my prayers. Hugs.

  2. excellent decision anna. keep on it !!

  3. It feels more normal to be all over whatever is going on, in your face, telling it like it is and so on. I grew up pretending that all was well. It was weird. But then there's that last paragraph that you wrote. I agree with fractalmom. What choice do you have?

  4. Love your last paragraph!

    I'm thinking all is not well with my daughter right now too, but I also have not attempted the 20 questions, talking or bargaining, etc, THIS TIME!

    I'm praying for you and your whole family. I'm glad you are taking time to do things that help you "recharge" and that are good for you... or just plain GOOD (the spaghetti/meatballs just popped into my head there! Yum!)


  5. Sounds like the new friends have money...

    You handled it well!

  6. Hi, You don't know me, and this is my first time commenting on your blog. I have 8 months clean, and everyday is hard, but I just take it day by day.

    Well the reason I'm writing is because, I think you should keep your mother in law home as long as possible. I've worked in residential homes for the elderly, I really enjoyed working with residents who had dementia. But, I feel those types of places are not a good fit for them, when there is an option to keep them home. I know every person is different, and every facility, I just really notice a decline in health, both mental and physical when they move into that setting. Those places tend to have a high turn over rate, understaffed, and will sometimes hirer real lazy people and often train on the job. ( I know I was, trained on the job, NOT lazy! lol!) Just one fall from your mother in law could really put her behind.
    I really enjoyed my job, and I did a great job making sure the residents were happy, and well taken care of. I still keep in contacted with a few of them. =D
    I don't know what I'm trying to get at, or why I'm even writing this, but really think it over. I'd talk to other parents who's family is where you plan to put her. ( if you even have to)

    ah, thanks for the time.


  7. Thanks for all your comments. Congratulations solo girl on your 8 months sober. I really admire that!

    We are going to keep Elsie at home as long as possible. She has a caregiver who is there 24 hours a day. We are now working out an activity schedule. She just does not know what to do with herself now that her husband died. She was an RN and she just loved nursing anyone so she lost her husband and her purpose.

  8. I'm catching up and am very encouraged by how well YOU seem to be doing to take care of YOU. You have a lot going on, making it more impressive. I hope Beth will find her way, but I am so glad she called Dad. Just a little communication can go a long way.
    I hope you find what's best for mom-in-law. I would think that would be a daunting task, but it sounds like you are going through the options thoughtfully and informatively.
    God bless.