We had a visit from Beth. She was swimming at the neighbors and then came over here for awhile. She does not have a key so she had to knock. It seems the boyfriend's mother wants her out of the house when her son is working. Sooooo, she spent the other day at the Mall.
Her plan A for a place to stay did not work out. Her plan B which I liked a little better seems to be evaporating. It looks like she will be homeless again soon. She wanted to know if she can stay here while the boyfriend is working. I said that would be too much like living here. She needs to find a place where she can stay. There were a bunch of possibilities on Craig's list but she rejected them all as too far away.
I gave her the name and address for a drop in center run for consumers of mental health services for other consumers. She can go there during the day. She can also visit her elderly grandmother next door.
I did tell her that I would front the money from her SSI to get her started. I offered to help her look tomorrow. She said she would call me tonight. She mowed the grass for her father. He then took her to buy cigarettes and to see a science fiction movie.
I really wish that she was settled. Do you think I was right or wrong for not letting her hang out here in the daytime while John works?
It Is Thanksgiving Week
5 months ago
It's difficult for anyone to say if your decision was right or wrong. I think you know it was the right decision for all of you... you're just being a mom...worrying! Sending prayers and peace!!
ReplyDeleteAs you know, my family is working on similar boundary issues with our child. I don't believe there is a "right" or "wrong" in this situation. You won't know until you try it!
ReplyDeleteI am one of those people who like to call a family meeting and have everyone discuss their "expectations" and then put it in writing defining the consequences for boundary violations. One reason this has wokred well is because it appears that our son's disease as "matured" to the point he accepts the consequences without questioning or becoming angry.
If having her hang at the house during the day creates stress for you, then you made the right decision. And even though it feels bad,every time you are making the right decision (setting and maintaining boundaries) you are role modeling for Beth the same thing.
ReplyDeleteWhen it is all said and done, it is your decision, and for each of us it may be different, but my heart tells me that it is a good boundary you have set.
((Hugs and prayers your way))
I say it is right because it's your decision which makes it the right one...sounds contrived but really, don't second guess your self. If that was your gut instinct it was the right one at that time. It can change and then you re evaluate.
ReplyDeleteWhen I feel something in my gut then I go with it. I have found it to be true. So whatever you felt was probably right.
ReplyDeleteright
ReplyDeleteI believe it was the right decision.
ReplyDeleteRead your old posts. You'd get very nervous with her hanging out at your house during the day. It wasn't working before; it won't start working now without some significant changes. Things that haven't taken place. - like spelling out the boundary issues and how her behavior makes you feel, how difficult it is to navigate the tension in the house when she is having a bad day.
ReplyDeleteIt was the right decision. Listen to your gut.
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