Beth cheered up when she found out we were going to my cousins to sing kereoke. She did not intend to sing but she wanted to be a part of things. After about 2 hours she decided to sing Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera.
It was an odd selection as everyone was singing rock or country. She also had never practiced with a kereoke machine so that is very difficult. She started out in the wrong key in an unfamiliar version, I thought oh no..... this will humiliate her and make her cry.
Then she asked for a different version which was smack on! She sang in an amazingly clear and sweet soprano that startled then amazed us all. It really moved me that this kind of beauty and talent is still there. She hit every note and given the selection, it is something that none of the rest of us practiced singers could do.
She got a lot of praise and applause. That has not happened in a long time for her.
On the way home she said that she never told me she was first soprano in the select choir. I knew she was good but not that good. I never heard her sing alone because she would not. She said it emabarrased her and she would cry. I said, it is a god given special talent.
After all of that good stuff she wanted me to drive her by an old questionable boyfriend's house. It was 11 pm. I said no, I am not comfortable with that. When we got home she wanted to take her bike over there. I said no, come in here now. I have to work in the morning and do not want anymore drama now.
She turned petulant and said...Yeah, "I have to come in here and be bored. " (Sigh, how she turns on a dime.)
The difference was that after saying that to her I just disengaged and went in my room. I did not give lengthy explanations, threats or make pleas. She came up a few minutes later talking about what was on TV. I just went to bed half expecting her to sneak out but she did not. I actually slept pretty well all things considered.
Today she called me several times and seemed just normal........ I try not to have expectations from moment to moment.
Part 2 of "When you are So Mad!!!"
2 months ago
Hi,
ReplyDeleteMy daughter used to do this to me, too. Shined so brightly that she took my breath and then turned on a dime, dashing all my happiness and equilibrium with a single cutting remark. I am finally beginning to protect myself from her mercurial mood swings and endless neediness. I applaud that you went to your room and didn't look back and I know exactly how that felt.
My daughter has borderline personality disorder and she is addicted to benzos and alcohol. I tried for years to lead her to safety. We traveled the country looking for help. Unfortunately, addiction and mental illness are a nasty combo and rarely easily treated.
I am new to blogging and have just started writing one myself. I am looking for a community of people that are in a similar situation.
The thing that sets me apart is that I initiated a separation from my daughter. My husband, her step-father, is dealing with the day-to-day management.
I read these blogs looking for answers - How do people do it? Keep families together? Keep centered in their own lives? After twenty-five years, I needed a break. I also hoped that by taking away my constant readiness to "fix" everything that she might take the reins. I can only hope that it works.
I am happy to have found your blog.
xx kris
www.borderlinefamilies.com
I'm glad that she didn't sneak out and that you had a good night's sleep. It is a God given talent to sing so well.
ReplyDeleteSounds like you're handling everything well!!
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you are doing a good job at keeping yourself as emotionally safe as could be expected. I'm glad you haven't had to leave the house! In my mind, those few special moments (like her telling you she was in the select choir, working in the yard with her Dad) are worth the irritations of her random requests. You seem to be doing a good job at separating the disease from the person.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
Wow, wish I could have heard here sing...sounds amazing. It sounds like you are doing well and things are going pretty good. I am happy for you and hope they continue to be on the up side.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad for the glimmers of who she can be: the singing, the tennis, the real Beth! I pray that she will continue to let her real self come out and that she will be able to let go of the drugs that keep her from her beauty!
ReplyDelete