I forgot to mention that the judge recomended a representative payee. That means that a third party probably my husband or I will recieve and distribute her money. We are to make sure that it covers her basic needs such as food and shelter. No worries there. 700 per month will not pay for all of her rent here in NJ.
As a mother, I am greatly relieved to think that this makes it possible for me to see her with a roof over her head. I do not fault anyone who will not do this. My attitutude for the last 4 years was very different. I said and I followed with my actions that I will do absolutely nothing for you until you quit taking drugs.
I think that if Beth could have snapped out of this whole thing it would have happened during the last 4 years while she got no familial or governmental support. Her situation got worse in many sordid and painful ways. This all culminated with her disappearance earlier this Spring. We really thought that she was dead. We were looking in morgues and hospitals. It changed us in a way that I am sure you do not understand unless you have done this. It is a whole other issue to face not knowing if your child is dead or alive and not having any idea of where to look for them.
Maybe she will hang on a little longer when we are not trying to control her. Giving her nothing was , after all another way to punish her.So far, it is better for the family and better for her. I will tell you the truth no matter which way it goes.
My son has gone to stay with friends. He does not accept his sister. He hold her totally accountable for all of her actions. He does not want to be in the same house with her. It seems strange to me that he has been very compasionate with the siblings of his friends who have gone bad on drugs but not with his sister.
He is shamed by her. I understand that. Really, I do as I have been shamed too but I wish he had a little more compassion for her. The rest of the family has been just great. Basically, they are worried about what might happen to me if I continue to suffer so they agree with our helping Beth. They say enough is enough, we tried all this tough love for 4 years.
That does not mean that we approve nor that we will finance her bad habits. Only that we want a roof over her head. I have never worried about food as much as shelter. I figure that the desire to eat is a craving just like drugs, perhaps even more powerful. I figure that needing to choose between food and drugs might be good. Lack of shelter can lead to rape or exposure to the elements. There has been too much of that already.
On Being Afraid
1 month ago