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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Daddy's Little Helper

Beth worked in the yard with her dad today. They bought and planted tomatoes and cucumbers. We went out for Sushi last night. She has been almost as normal as she gets. I can see that she is in physical pain. she also told me that she cries a lot and that her meds are gone.

 I told her to call the Dr. She has an appointment so I am sure he would renew them if she called. She has not done it. (I am not pushing this as I have seen her sell the psychiatric stuff for street drugs. Hard to believe there is an illegal market for prozac and lamictal as they do not make you high.)

I have been obsessing about finding her a studio in Philadelphia. That would give her access to public transportation, major hospitals, colleges and social services. There are no studios where we live in the sticks so you need about 1000 a month for the most modest place.

I snooped in her purse to f ind it empty of drugs. to the best of my ability to dicern these things she has been clean since she got here. That being said, she does look odd. She is bathed and has her teeth brushed but her appearance is much deteriorated. Her beauty is gone. Her hair is long, bright red and extremely thin. She has it pulled back straight and tight to her head. She looks very serious and somewhat rigid. She is not fidgeting constantly which I was used to. Her arms are bare. No new tatoos as of yet but she is planning on one.

She looks and acts a lot more like the schizophrenics I see at NAMI meetings. There is a withdrawal, a disconnect about her. I can tell she is trying really hard to keep it all together. She is polite, greatful and careful with her commentary. This is still the honeymoon. I want to be ready when the honeymoon is over.

At the same time, I want to encourage whatever connection with normalcy she still enjoys. She talks about getting an ultrasound degree. I say, ok then lets get you a place near some colleges and then look into it.

  I used to always say that it was no use. She just has to quit drugs before being able to  accomplish anything. I said it cause I thought that it was true. At this point, I am thinking that a person needs to have hope so I am acting as if.

 We are shaking and baking in Jersey. Temperatures have soared over 90 degrees today. I hope you all are enjoying the  weather.


  1. Its sounds positive, Anna. She's clean, she's making an effort, she's working in the step at a time. I hope you can find her a place and that this is it for her. NAMI has helped me a lot, I hope I can find a support group once the Family to Family part is over.

    Enjoy your day!

  2. This all sounds great. I know you don't want to get your hopes up that things will improve this time, and be disappointed. Perhaps this time is different. I will continue to pray for you and Beth!

  3. God bless her and you Anna.

  4. Anna, I am so touched by this. I am familiar with that disconnected look. And the faintly taut sensation - like her muscles are pulled just tight enough to keep her from losing it. My daughter has that look when she lives with us. Like she is trying so very hard to hold on to being what we want... Soak up the good moments while she is at home with you. I am praying, daily, that you will find a place she is really enthusiastic about, that she somehow sees her way to a life she wants to hold fast. God bless all of you. Hugs!

  5. Thank you for sharing the positive news. I am glad you are able to spned time with her. I pray that things continue to go in the right direction.

  6. It's okay to be ready for the "honeymoon" to be over, but enjoy today! This is positive news to me that she is home and spending time with you and your husband.
    And, enjoy the peace of mind knowing she is at home with you and no longer - who knows where - down South.
    Praise God, this post really is good news to read!
    God bless.

  7. I hope that the honeymoon period will last over the long term. There are bound to be ups and downs. But hope for the long haul is okay as long as expectations are kept at bay.

  8. I've been reading your blog for a few months. I have a daughter who is mentally ill and an alcoholic. We live in the Philadelphia area and she used to have a studio apartment that was in a very nice neighborhood close to the city where you can walk to public transportation and the rent was only around 450.00 a month. This was in Jenkintown which is an easy comute to Temple University by bus or train.
    Thank you for sharing your story here.