The tension is palatable. Beth is wound up like a spring. She looks like she is ready to scream or scratch. I am keeping my distance.
She went to the public defender today on a wandering in a drug zone charge. The public defender is the father of her childhood friends. Their mother and I used to have play dates once a week for our kids. They must be shocked that this happened and I imagine shocked that neither my husband or I were there.
It really did not seem to bother her much but maybe it did. I know that her knees and back are throbbing. They are much worse than when she left for Florida.
It is amazing how much hostility can be conveyed without any threats or profanity. She told me today that her life would have been so much better if I let her date the boy next door. She had a very angry and defiant tone. I said, as I recall he was 5 year older than you and had a cocaine habit. She denied that and I said well maybe you are right but that is what his Mom said. I let it drop. I did not call her on her hostility. I hope and pray it is because of the rough day and the pain.
I am trying to let a beautiful wall stand between us. I am trying to mind my own business. I want to do for her what I would do If she were only mentally ill. The boundaries on that are that I will have to draw back if doing those things to her become a danger to me. It is a tightrope tonight.
On Being Afraid
1 month ago