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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Crack Chaos

I turned off my phone today and started deleting the texts before I read them after the first five texts from Beth. She had a ride to the Dr. but did not have gas money. She wanted me to wake her up so she could make the appointment on time. Later she made her way to her Dad's office. The secretary let her use the phone and she got me on the line as I thought it was DH. I hung up when I heard her voice. All of this is nonsense.

So, she did not hang herself last night. She has attempted suicide four times. Those times there was no warning. She has threatened me with suicide for not doing her bidding many many times. Last night was the only time I felt angry. My reply was that she is killing herself anyway with crack, heroine and her lifestyle. I left and called 911. I am glad that I did not lash out at her. I actually know a woman who told her son to go ahead and do it under similar circumstances. He whipped out a stupid little pocket knife and jammed it into his body. He actually died right in front of her.

There was also a nice boy in the school where I taught. He was addicted to crack and had a hidden gun. His mother stood in front of the door and said he would have to go through her to get the crack. He shot her dead. Oh my, he was so remorseful afterwards but she was dead.

I do not know how other addicts are but my daughter scares the hell out of me on crack. All day long today I was jumpy thinking she might try to break into our house. I will give her one warning if she shows up here and then call the police for a restraining order.

There was so much good advice on my last post. I really liked the quote that Syd gave about how it does not matter and Fractal  Mom's advice on grief counselling. I am going to sign up for that, exercise every day and stick to my diet. I will get well weather or not she does. I might not ever get over this but I am confident that I can do a whole lot better than I have been lately.

My son sat with me today and told me about a girl he really likes. ( He cleaned his room, his car, cut the grass and contemplated cutting his hair!) Is that what women do for men?

My husband needs to get on a list for a kidney transplant. I am going to see if I am a match. My sister is waiting the results of her thyroid byopsy but the heart and esophogus spams have stopped. Dad never did get his prostrate biopsy. He took the meds wrong and had to reschedule.

Wow......... we were a completely normal even boring family for about 20 years then all hell broke out about 10 years ago as you know. At 55 I really do not know how many more good years I will have with all of my loved ones. Of course, we never know that but circumstances have made me think about this long and hard.


  1. Oh Anna, You are so remarkably strong. I know you probably don't feel like it....but with all of that going on, you just sat down and typed quite a few very coherent sentences and conveyed the absolute tragedy of a life scarred by addiction. I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I LOVE LOVE LOVE your resolve to get better despite what is going on with your girl. Its really the only rationale choice we have.

  2. Glad that you are going to take care of yourself. You are important and caring for yourself is important. It is a terrible loss to give up on your own life because of the addict's disease.

  3. Like Annete said - You are remarkably strong. You were right in not taking her call. Someone on crack scares the hell out of me too. It is a scary, scary drug! I am glad you are taking care of yourself - Wishing you peace.

  4. DITTO! You are strong, and you are doing the right thing.

    - very cute what you said about your son :)

  5. So proud of you. I know how hard this is to do.