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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

I"ll Give You My Kidney IF YOU NEED IT DAD

      I took Beth to the Spine specialist today. He told us that three vertabrae were cracked. He showed us the xrays and cautioned her to keep the brace on and quit smoking. Not healing correctly would result in the need for a spinal fusion.

     She told me in the car that we would all be better of if she had died in the accident. She is remorseful for the pain she has caused us but needs her heroine and crack to cope with the emotional and physical pain that she feels.

     She also offered to give her Dad one of her kidneys and revealed her plans to move to Florida with a former boyfriend who is buying her a car and an apartment. She gets irritated that he calls her so much but thinks they will be happy together in Florida where she will be able to kick her drug habit.

     It seems she dissapreared last night along with her care givers money.She had no idea what happened to his money except that he lost it as he is so disorganized.  She looked like death warmed over and frequently cried in pain. The friend/caregiver was upset that she stole his money and told me he would never come back to that house. By the end of the day he was calling her asking to come back. It looked to me like she was going to let him eventhough she was well pissed that he had told me she was out using last night.

   It was a very draining day for me. I felt so much pity for her on the one hand and revulsion for her actions on the other. I told her that all of this could be so much better without the drugs. I pointed out how she has helped a number of her friends at death's door when no one else would. I said that there is no wrong that can not be attoned for by living an honorable Ipurposeful life from now on. She seemed to think about it with interest and then just let the idea go.

I took her because I do not want her to be permanently disabled with this terrible back injury. There is not much hope that she will recover from this addiction but if she does and even if she does not I do not want her to be disabled in yet another way.I had to listen to about an hours worth of guided meditations and calming music to sleep last night. It is just very painful for me to see her like this.


  1. It is so hard to see our children suffer from addiction and to have to endure seeing her in more pain must be very, very difficult.

    You and your family and especially Beth are in my prayers.

  2. I hope that Beth will make a decision for a better life at some point. I understand the pity and the revulsion. It is hard to understand the mind of an alcoholic/addict.