Fifty-Six and Counting

     My birthday came and went. I am now 56. It has been 6 years now that my daughter's addiction has been a part of our lives. We have learned to cope, establish boundaries but still see her from time to time.

She is interested in the horse races now. It seems to give her a reason to get up. She exercises regularly and does not look to bad. She has been on suboxone for a few months now. She gets tested once a week which has seemed to do her a world of good.

Odd, erratic things still happen. I think she still uses other drugs but has quit doing heroine on a regular basis. She seems emotionally much more stable so I believe she is taking he psych meds.

She no longer dominates my life with all her troubles but oh I do miss the old Beth. She was the best at everything and not too sweet. I thought she would be the next Martha Stewart or a young olympian but bipolar disorder, a sexual attack,  debilitating knee injury and subsequent addiction exploded those dreams into little bits.

My birthday was sweet. My sister and my youngest daughter threw a surprise party for me. My Dad was there with his new girlfriend. He seemed healthy and strong which delighted me as we almost lost him recently. I liked the new girlfriend as a person. I will do my best to make her feel welcome in spite of the queasy feeling it gives me to see some other woman in my Mom's house.

My sister's prodigal son was there but not my Beth. They did not invite her. They thought that it would be hard enough to deal with my nephew's antics. They were probably right and it was somewhat of a relief not to worry about how Beth would look, smell, act etc. None the less I missed the concept of my first baby being with me on my birthday.

I do make sure to invite her to all the major holidays when I am involved in the planning and no one tells me otherwise. The family is decent to her at these affairs and she is usually decent to them.

My husband retired sort of. As he worked for himself he really did not make moves to settle things until after his retirement date. He now works seven days a week trying to tie up loose ends on a thirty-five year career. He has some health issues to manage before we can decide where to go from here geografically.

I will be teaching 2 courses at a local university in the fall. Another University asked me to teach two more courses for them at their satelite center but I am not sure yet if those courses will fly. So...... I am sort of retired too. If al 4 courses go then I will be working full time but most of that time will be spent in my own home with about 15 hours on campus. It sounds like a pretty good gig to me.