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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Twisted Thoughts

  Today my daughter called me to say that she was going to kill herself tonight. She was upset that she lost her driver's licence and upset that I told her to find out where the fine had to go. She wanted me to use her money to pay the fine and I had agreed to that but I wanted her to find out the rest.


She also said that she wanted to be cremated. I felt that it was mostly anger as she was cursing up a storm at me. Anyhow, I caved and called her back saying that I would take care of the fine. She said it is not just that. She is tired of living. She can't stand to be without her family. She wants to come home. She hates AA and NA. She is clean. She cried and cried and said that she is so lonely and so alone.

I said that she has to decide to live. The drugs are just a way of killing herself. I said that the drugs keep kicking the crap out of her just like an abusive boyfriend. ............I know it doesn't feel like it but I do love you and I always will. Please tell me where you are and I will send an ambulance.

I told her that I still offer her Phoenix House. She said in Rhode ISland?  I said ..... yeah it is good weather now in Rhode Island. It is not all NA and AA. You live and work there. There is hope in that and there is hope in methadone.  I said that I still believe in her. That I still think she can put this life behind her and have many good years ahead.  Please think about it and I will pray for you.

She said that no one would take her home from NA. She said that people refused to talk to her after she relapsed. She said she loved me and I said I loved her. Take care, I said....... and she hung up.

Now I wait. ...... This is a mentally ill and drug addicted person who has just come off a major binge and has been off meds for several weeks at least. An addict is very hard to cope with. A mentally ill person is very hard to cope with. Put them both together and there is my Beth.

10 comments:

  1. I am so sorry that you have to go through that. Sometimes I am thankful that my daughter does not call me. I would not know how to deal with her. I will keep you and Beth in my prayers. Hugs ((( )))

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  2. Hi Anna, I'm with you tonight. Thanks for sharing what's going on. You gave your daughter good wisdom. May she hear it.

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  3. Anna, oh geez, this is so heart-wrenching. Do you know where she is? How far is she from where you live? I hope the suicide talk is just a threat. I don't blame her for feeling that way about NA, I've heard others say that they get the cold shoulder from their when they have a relapse, that doesn't make sense to me if its for addicts they should be glad they came back after a relapse it seems.

    Please keep us posted. I'm so sorry you have to experience all this.

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  4. I'm sorry Anna,...I am keeping Beth and you both in my prayers. Keep us posted.
    Lori

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  5. yep, put 'em both together and there's my daughter too.

    I am praying, Anna. Please keep us posted. I hope she will call again and I pray that God will give her the clarity to see her situation for what it is, and to see the solutions in front of her, and to turn towards those solutions. (hug)

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  6. Anna - I am also praying! Miracles happen everyday! Please try to have peace...it is totally out of your control.

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  7. Good God Anna!! I'm really sorry. I have had so many of those phone calls. Some from the police telling me my daughter was trying to kill herself. I yelled at THEM and said then put her away for God's sake!!!

    It just never ends.

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  8. Anna, you and Beth are in my prayers. I hope that when they openly threaten it is just a way of reaching out for attention, but I don't know that. It is out of your control, so you have to try to have some peace and serenity in your life right now, but I also know that will be almost impossible.

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  9. Anna, I will pray for your daughter to accept the help she needs and to see that life can be worth living, and there is hope. You must be so worried about her and yet angry too.

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  10. I pray for you and Beth (and your husband) every day - and I will continue to do so.
    You gave her some very good wisdom, and I pray that ultimately she heard you. Please keep us posted.
    Love & hugs.

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