I can see now that my writing in this blog is far from elegant. I just say what is on my mind as fast as I can and then go on to read your blogs. It helps me a lot to be able to get these things of my chest. My English teachers would cringe but then this is not written for English teachers but for other people trying to make sense out of this life that we did not choose.
The president of my NAMI chapter asked me why I did not write down some of my experiences with the mental health system to begin acting like an advocate. He is right but even those of us who could write in better times are often so busy putting out fires. It is hard to think about buying a fire protection system when the room you are standing in is already on fire! That is how it feels in a crisis.
I have learned from someone here how to ask myself........ Is this really a crisis or just another incident? I sit in those rooms at NAMI and see how it could be a lot worse. A lot of those women are dealing with big strong men who sometimes turn violent through no fault of their own. That is one scary proposition. These mothers take care of their schizophrenic sons (they are mostly sons) and worry what will happen to them when they are gone
One therapist told me that there is a tremendously high suicide rate among the mentally ill around 50 years of age. She thinks it is because that is around the time that their mother's die.
Dave was walking without his cane today. I could actually see a spring in his step. Beth took a whole seroquel last night and slept well. She told me she was only taking half so that she was not groggy in the morning. I asked her to consider taking a whole one as she really was worn out and irritable yesterday.
I don't know what time she got up but she mowed the grass and power washed the back of the house before leaving. That is really a help to us and she knows it. We are paying her for this type of work so that she can buy her cigarettes and go to the movies. I could just give it to her but number one I do not like paying for cigarettes and number two I think a little work is good for her. I do what I can to keep things low stress and high structure. That is what the NAMI people say....low stress and high structure.
Come to think of it that could be a personal goal for me as well!
Take care and I pray for you all.
On Being Afraid
1 month ago