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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


At this point we are classifying last night as an incident but not a crisis. Beth came home when she said she would which was around 12. I had left her meds on her night stand just in case she changed her mind. It looks like she took them. She was a little better today. She did some weeding in the garden and her friend Jim came over to help her and take her to the movies.

She told him about her drug problems and that she wants a friend not a boyfriend. Yes, I have heard that one before. Anyhow, he does not seem to be into drugs or drinking. He brings her home at a reasonable time and is very patient.

I have spent most of the last 24 years trying to control Beth. I do know now that I can not control her or her disease. So far, she has been clean longer with this lack of control. Her doctor did take her off the prozak. I am now laying out her meds as she was skipping quite a few doses.

Thanks for your prayers. We want to keep this sick adult child with us. We love her and she is in much less trouble with us than out in the world on her own. She is very talented and smart. If she could just get a little more mentally stable she could start making a contribution to this world even if she can not support herself. She could still help out at the humans society or be involved in her art or coaching. These are now my dreams for her future.


  1. As someone who is "out here" reading about Beth and your family - things look really good. She has progressed a lot, she's doing SO WELL! Everyone has set backs and bad days even if they are not diagnosed. I think the support and safety and love she's getting from all you is so valuable.

  2. Unfortunately, Beth's behavior is very normal for the illness. Manipulating the family to be angry at one another is classic. Pit everyone against one another. Cause chaos. Fear/ rejection of taking her meds is also a typical attention-getting strategy. She is feeling bad and wants everyone to be aware of her unease. Anything anyone says when she is symptomatic will be taken the wrong way.
    I completely understand why you want her to continue to stay with you at this point. At least you have a chance of controlling the outcome of one of these episodes. How many hundreds of times have I been right where you are? My advice is to keep a watchful eye and NOT engage right now. Anything you say or do will only fan the flames of her anger and despair. Validate how she feels as best you can and walk away. I really do know how hard that advice is to take. But, you are not going to snap her out of it with a few choice words. If only...
    Remember how good things have been. Anna, you had five pretty good weeks with Beth. You will build on those. Beth doesn't want to feel this way. She knows what it feels like to have peace and harmony. She can't do it right now but it is in her memory banks. Trust you can get there again.
    I know what it is to have hopes and dreams for our daughters. I, too, pray that Beth will be able to step into a future where she is happy and productive.
    xx kris
    And, again, thank you thank you, thank you for all your advice on applying for SSDI.

  3. I think sometimes we just have to meet people where they are at; it sounds like this is what ya’ll are doing with Beth. I know for me, this hasn’t always been easy to do at times (control issues would be my guess). I agree with Barbara, it sounds like Beth is trying, which is all we can ask for and it sounds like she is progressing in the right direction. I continue to pray for you all!

  4. Thank you all. It is great to bounce off these experiences on people who have been there. Even the greatest doctor just does not know what it is like to live with this stuff unless they have done it.

  5. I so agree with you about the doctors. Unless they have seen the ups and downs that can happen within the space of an hour, or the ferocious manipulation and recovery that goes on unchecked, or if they have a chance to witness all the endless needs that have to be tiptoed around, how can they really understand life with our daughters? Accounts from the families seems to usually be discounted as overblown and exaggerated.
    Thinking of you and Beth,
    xx kris

  6. Praying for you both.

  7. I'm so glad you have the opportunity to be there for her.
    I continue to pray for you all.
    Love & hugs!

  8. I hope that you both find a good balance for living with each other. There is much that is positive with Beth.

  9. has sent you a message on junkjunk!

    To reply to this message, click here:

    Subject: still can't post comments on your site for some reason but...

    "Anna, I've been reading your blog and tried to leave several long comments only

    to have them not post. I'm not sure why I have that problem but its been an

    ongoing thing...somehow I forget and then am sadly reminded when my comment is

    nowhere to be found.

    Anyway, I just wanted to let you say that I have so much respect and admiration

    for you as a person and as a parent. I like to read your blog because I learn

    from what you say, but also because I leave your blog with a good feeling

    because I've "spent some time" with a person of unusual quality. Wishing you

    and your family the best."

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  10. Many thanks to all of you. I feel so much more able to cope after spending a little time with you.