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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Big Accomplishments on a Draining Day

The temperature here was about 98 and humid for the third or fourth day in a row. When I got up last night at 4:00 am to find Beth smoking on the porch, it was still hot!  S he said the dog woke her up. She had not fed him  until late and consequently he had to be let out in the middle of the night.

I heard her running down the stairs and that is why I got up. Anyhow, today we went in for her blood work ordered by the neurologist first thing. She gave me a real hard time about getting up. She kept falling back to sleep. The seroquel she takes really knocks her out till about 10:00 am. I had asked her to take it earlier in the evening so this would not happen but she never did until 11 pm. Between the seroquel and the lack of sleep she was very tense and complained about everything. Finally, I told her "I am tired too. You woke me at 4 in the morning. I am doing you a favor, taking the day off work to take you all the places you need to go but instead of thanks I just hear complaints."  She said, " I am just tired."  I let it go. In the past I would have insisted on an apology and really expected her to get it. Now, I just know this is how she acts when she is tired and nervous. Still, after about the 10th or 11th complaint I have to speak up. The shrinks call this behavior negative persistence.

Anyhow, we did the blood work and then proceeded to social services to sign up for food stamps. Then, across the county and over to the Social Security office to do the final paper work for her SSI and SSD. The subtract one from the other. They also subtract anything we might give her towards food and shelter as income.

 Things got a little hairy when she realized that she does not have free access to any money. I must account for every penny to the government showing that it is used on food, shelter, medical expenses and other necessities. I thought she was going to walk out in a huff eventhough this was never a secret and the attorney had discussed it with her before.

Fortunately the case worker was very calm and explained to her how she could change this over the course of time with responsible behavior and her doctor's endorsement.

They told me at U of P that an addict in recovery should not have free access to money for about 2 years. I still believe it. Although I did give her 100 dollars just recently to go grocery shopping for us. She went with someone I trust. They came right back and they brought me a reciept. She was quite happy with this. She did not see my behavior as suspicious. She saw it has adding back a little trust with back up proof.

Thanks for keeping us in your prayers. I am exhausted and intend to turn in early tonight.


  1. I hope the heat lets up for you! Is that normal for this time of year?

    You're learning a lot and doing a great job helping Beth. Its nice to get so much done even while melting from the weather!

  2. You are doing such a great job. I don't know how you are managing without losing your cool. It's so difficult even when you understand where the negative behaviour is coming from. Continuing to pray for both of you

  3. Sounds like loooong day. You are doing such a great job at setting your own boundaries yet still being aware of Beth's limitations. It is one of the toughest juggling acts around.
    The SSI and SSD are so confusing. We are waiting to tackle it until my daughter gets back from Australia (that is if she makes it, yesterday was rough). I will go out to New York mid-July and try to get the ball rolling. Thank you again for all your guidance.
    xx kris

  4. Thanks for the update. It sounds like you are doing very well! Everything you say you have been doing sounds right on spot. As for saying something in the car - we ARE human!!! :) And you said it ONCE, I think it needed to be said, and her response showed that it was A-OK!
    God bless.

  5. I am glad that things are going relatively well. Sometimes with HALT--hungry, angry, lonely or tired--I am more vulnerable and don't react well.