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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

''When moms get involved kids don't. Learn how to keep your kids safe

from drugs and stay  (The partnership for a drug free america)''

These are the exact words. They appear in a full page advertisement on the front cover of a magazine I just bought. The magazine is entitled Everyday Easy  Recipies from Better Homes and Gardens.

I looked it up to get it exact when I saw your interest. I only know one Tom who is at Recovery Helpdesk. He does not have anything to do with this group as far as I know. I am just about to look up this  It would be interesting to know who sponsors them.

I think that this sort of propaganda sends the message that this problem can not happen to you if you are a good parent. I used to think that too. It is one of the reasons I was not looking for the signs. I thought that only kids who were in some way abused and desparate  did this sort of thing. That thinking sort of made drugs someone else's problem. Certainly not something that could effect my family.

I used to think sort of the same way about mental illness as did the psychiatrists. Mothers were out and out blamed for schizophrenia 40 years ago. Doctors now know that this is not true but I am not so sure about the general public.

On a positive note. Beth continues to do well. She is much more easy to communicate with now that she is off her antidepressants. We all think they were making her manic. She remains prone to debilitating depression but the depression does not seem to take her judgement away like the mania does. The depression seems to come and go on its own when we just give her time and space with it. She remains very productive on the days the depression lifts and not productive at all when the black cloud descends.

The big difference in my house is that we are not pressuring her to do anything when she says she can not. I will let you know how it works out. So far she is now starting her 9th week with us. Before her illness, we never pushed her. She pushed herself mercilessly to satisfy her own perfectionism. Soooo, I just decided to believe her on the days she says she can not. My goal for her at this point is not full time employment. Just, staying off drugs and making a contribution to the family on the days that she can.

Please continue to pray for us.


  1. What makes me upset is not how I take it for myself but what it tells other parents: "do a good job and your kids will turn out just fine". That's false hope, many parents reading that ad will think its true and breathe a sigh of relief. Then when addictions strikes their family they are more likely to be in denial.

    Great news about Beth! So good to hear something positive. I think your family is doing a wonderful job of helping her to cope and find some peace.

  2. oh yes.....that is SO misleading...if only it were so easy, to your kids and you'll have no problem. Oh believe me...I WAS an involved mom....and still,..I have an addict son. :(

  3. I will continue praying :) Great news about Beth - but also I think you are doing really well with your approach in relation to her staying at the house.
    That advertisement... brings up negative feelings in me. I agree with what you said - that it infers we are to blame.
    You know, I just deleted a whole paragraph - I got myself worked up!!! Thought best to delete it, but let's just say, I don't care for that message.
    God bless.

  4. Part of dealing with a loved one who is struggling is learning their limitations. It sounds like your family has figured out how debilitating the depression is for Beth and by giving her the space she needs, you have validated her. This is HUGE. And, very difficult for many families to realize that they cannot rely on any behavior to last or that their loved one has changed.
    I am happy for all of you.
    The ad is so misguided. It really begs the question who wrote it and for what audience? Pollyanna's who see the world through rose-colored glasses and assume the fallen fell because their MOTHERs were bad people! Righteous Idiots.

  5. I would bet the bank account that the advertising agency and brand managers who wrote/approved the ad have no personal or family experience in the field of addiction. I find that ad extremely upsetting.... deep breath, letting it go! I will post something about this later...

    I am so happy to hear that Beth is doing so well. Yay! That's a wonderful bit of news today! I hope her comfort level and serenity continue and that your family enjoy a really great summer!

    Hugs and prayers!

  6. Nope...I'm not to blame on this one! I have nothing to do with the magazine or the Partnership.

  7. I am glad that Beth is doing well and things have settled down.