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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Not The Boyfriend Tells Me She is Still Using

     Beth's friend Mike tells me that she is still using crack...... injecting it in her neck now. She has left his place and her psychiatric meds behind. She is couch surfing from place to place. Will not go back to her apartment it is too far away. Will not come to my house as the rules are too strict.  Is there any point of getting off heroine if you are still doing crack? Especially if you are still using needles?

Yesterday was one month since my Mom died. I have had two good girlfriends die since December. All of these deaths were preceded by short but difficult illnesses of a few months. Yesterday my husband said that I talk about death and depressing things too much. I said......." but that is all we have left in our lives."

I know that is not the right way to feel and I know I have to get my own life back on track. I do not particularly like cleaning house but I think I will. It appeals to me now as something that I can actually control!


  1. I am so sorry to read this! It becomes such a horrific cycle. Each time it takes a little more piece of our hearts. I hope Beth does what she did last time and calls you or someone for help. I am like you, I clean or do laundry.. keeps me busy. But, I have yet to attemp a project like I used to love to do... more surface stuff. Keep us are in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs, Kelly

  2. Oh, Anna, I am so sorry to read this. You've had much more than your share of heartache in the last several months. I hope Beth comes around're both in my thoughts and prayers. I wish I had something more comforting to say.

  3. Strangely I always feel better cleaning too. It also appeases my husband who loves a clean house. It's mindless motion and I don't have to think about my reality. It can be therapeutic, I guess but I use it like a drug to numb my mind and think of nothing, Probably not very healthy now that I think about it.

    I will pray for you both...

  4. When things get bad, I, without thinking begin walking around cleaning. Once I noticed that I had been doing that, I realized it was the one thing I could bring order to.

    Death and depressing stuff may seem like all you have *right now* but that does not mean that is all you will ever have. Remember that, ok? Things change.

  5. Anna, I am so sorry about the death of your mom and now the relapse Beth is going through! You must be so tired! I am praying for you and your family, especially Beth that she will hate truly hate addiction. Hugs to you my friend!!

  6. I too am sorry about your loss and the recent heartache. Take care of yourself.