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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

These are my boundaries. They help me cope with mental illness/addiction

1.  No drugs in my house.
2. No needles in my house.
3. No shady characters in my house.
4. No cash gifts.
5. No replacement of non cash items that dissapear.
6. No bail or paid attorneys for crimes commited.
7. If you loose you car or get a traffic ticket  you pay it or not.
8. I will help you but I will not put myself in danger to help you.
9.  No rides out of bad neighborhoods.
10. I do not answer my phone in the middle of the night. I turn it off.( My husband's phone is on but she does not abuse that for some reason.)
11.She  does not have keys to my home. She is not allowed in unsupervised.
11. No threats, no hitting, no throwing objects or damaging property. This kind of behavior results in expulsion from house , the police or mental hospital will be called.
12. The addict is not allowed to bring people into the house without prior approval.
13. No visitors are allowed knocking on the door. They must call and bde approved.
14. I never leave my purse, money or credit cards unsupervised. They are locked in my trunk or in the safe.
15. I will not lie or cover up for the addict. She knows that if I am questioned by her boyfriend, Dr. employer etc. police, I will tell the truth.
16. I will pay for medical attention and help with medical transportation when scheduled in advance.
17. I will include her in family affairs if she behaves. That is does not come around high or cause chaos.
18. She must take her medications to live with me for even a short time. She must maintain her own household on a regular basis but I will take her back home if she gets sick or has anxiety attacks. I will invite her home when she has to cope with something upsetting like death or other upsetting events.
19.  She knows that she can take a break at any time. That is go outside or to a separate room to regain calm or lessen anxiety.
20.  I do not comment negatively on herr appearance unless she is dirty or obscene.
21.  I will helpwith and sometimes pay for any healthy activities within reason. This includes school, hobbies etc.
22. I manage her ssi money so that rent , utilities etc are paid. I give her an allowance from her own money on a schedule that she sets up ahead of time.
23. I admire her courage in dealing with this awful disase of bipolar that was no fault of her own. Over and over I  support her as she fights and fails the fights again against this addiction. I will fight as long as she does. When she wearies of fighting and wants to give up I will encourage her to try again. I love her and she loves me. We have a bond that goes beyond disease and addiction.


  1. Thanks for sharing this list. I may have to create a list of boundaries in the next few months because Keven may have to move home.

    Its very obvious that you and Beth love each other and have a close bond. She's very blessed to have a mother who understands her illness and is willing to support her (even when that means not helping her - big difference).

    I pray for you both every day.

  2. This is such a good post. Boundaries that are this explicit and well thought out are so important for all of us. Thank you!