I knew that I was suffering watching Beth slowly kill herself but it was not until recently that I really understood just how excrutiating the pain is. I watched my mother writhing in pain from blood clots, then gangrene. I watched her kineys fail and tried to comfort her. My father, my sister's and I agonized over the end of life decisions. When to let go and when to hang on. It was exhausting and excrutiating. When the end came it still caught me by surprise. It made me nautious, weak and gasping for breath through my tears. My mother's death was very painful but was it more painful than the many many days, weeks and months of my daughters addiction?
Eventhough I loved my mother.......... the addiction is worse because the loss goes on and on. I am exposed to a level of degradation and desperation that I did not know existed. Many of you are parents of addicts so you know the pain. I wonder if the addicts know how much they hurt us? I wonder if their counselors know how much they hurt us.?