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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Have you dealt with this?

Have any of you dealt with this relapsing over and over again so soon after rehab?

How do you stand it when your child is on the street?

Or when you don't  know where they are?

It makes me anxious to the point that I can hardly bear it.

This is about the 20th time this has happened with her. I figure this time she had a plan and a place to go. It has been worse. She has gone without a plan or a place to Even in the middle of the night in the cold with no money and no friends in the area.

At least Florida is warm.

My father used to say you could get used to hanging if they would just hang you slow enough. It might be true.


  1. Anna, I think most of us have dealt with this; and that doesn't make it any easier for you. My prayers and thoughts are with you and your daughter.

    Now is the time you have to take care of you. She is not ready and your love for her won't change that. This is really what they talk about when they talk about "detaching with love." The weekend that we sent Bryan to the streets, like a homeless person, I remember crying harder than any other weekend. Yet I knew it was the right decision. He couldn't live in our house while actively using. I remember thinking, "How is it that doing the right thing can hurt so much?" You will be in my prayers and my thoughts. Take care, you.

  2. Anna, I'm so sorry. I have indeed dealt with this and it is unbelievably painful.

    What tears me up is that my daughter just keeps repeating the process. I keep thinking, "Get it! Will you please just Get It?!" I know she is smarter than that, to take this many times to get the message or the lesson (hearing those bars clang shut behind her, detoxing in a cell alone, and then doing time).

    I will be praying for your beautiful daughter and for you. ((Hugs))

  3. Anna, my heart hurts for you. I am so sorry. I wish there was something I could say or do. I haven't been where you are yet because my son is having his first chance at recovery right now. I hope and pray for you and your daughter.

  4. Just read this posting and the last.
    Sending love and huggs to you, and praying for you, your husband and Beth.

  5. I went through this for eight years before my son finally found recovery. He had been in several rehab programs and always relapsed withing six weeks after discharge. I spent many nights out searching for him in some of the worse neighborhoods without any fear for my own life. I have gone up against drug dealers. Basically, I was insane. My son overdosed twice. Sat in jail for three months.He would disappear for weeks at a time and I never knew if he were dead or alive. I was not sleeping. I became anxious. One day i could not get out of bed because I had become so depressed. I finally found help and support for myself in the rooms of Al-Anon, private therapist and decided to take a class on addictions at my local college. Before, I knew it I became stronger, took more classes and learned to let go. One day my son became tired of the life style and went into treatment. I went on to become a therapist who now works in a rehab facility. My son still attends an OPD program after two years of sobriety. I have a new career. Through all of it, I never gave up hope that he would be OK. I was lucky he never died out there on the streets. So many parents have not been so lucky. My son's addiction affected the entire family and my marriage ended after 23yrs. His father and I just did not know how to comfort each other. One of the things I do at the facility in which I work is do two family education classes per week where I teach the importance of taking care of self. Please take care of yourself and gain support.

  6. Rehab is for people who want it, not people who need it.

    I posted frequently in the past about my son's homelessness. He is what is called a hard core poly substance abuser. Is that your daughter too? Anyway, those kind of people have to left to their own bottoms..I believe. They are not like other addicts, you can't get through to them in rational ways. How did I cope when I my son was sleeping under a bridge one entire Detroit winter during the middle of a fentanyl epidemic that killed 368 heroin addicts in 3 months?

    Two words: AlAnon and God

  7. I so know what you are going through. Straight out of 5 months of living in a half way house, my daughter disappeared for 3 months. I did not know where she was. I finally tracked her down. She was living in Myrtle Beach with her boyfriend. That did not last long since she had an outstanding warrant at home and they came and arrested her one night and brought her back to her hometown to jail. This was three years ago. How did that feel? It nearly killed me. Now three years later she is still living with this man, using, dealing and caring for her two little ones. She got pregnant as soon as she got out of jail. I have not seen or talked to her in two years. Never seen the grandchildren. I know where she lives, but she wants nothing to do with me since I quit enabling her. It's tough. I feel for you and pray for you. Be strong. So many of us parents have to deal with this tragedy.

  8. I feel for you. What you're going through is very hard. With my own daughter, I had to turn it over to God. I had to believe that there are no mistakes in God's universe, and that he had her where he wanted her. I also had to accept that it was never going to be me who saved her. I tried for years, and only pushed her away. It seemed like other people got through to her from time to time. It didn't seem fair. But that's how it was. My prayers are with you.

  9. well, this is kinda harsh. actually, even when she was homeless, i slept better when she was not in our home and i knew she was out on the streets, alone than i did when she was in my house.

    weird, but true. honest anyway.

    junkies are about the smartest most resiliant people in the world. they know how to get food, shelter and clothing, and dope. that becomes their lives.

    there isn't a damn thing you can do to stop it either. it is what it is.

    and yes, my daughter relapses over and over and over again. she is 30 years old and has been a heroin addict for not quite 11 years now.

  10. Thanks to all of you for your comments. This is a hard road for all of us.


    Yes, my daughter is a hard core polysubstance abuser. I did not know the depths of your struggle. It is amazing that your son survived that detroit winter under a bridge. I will go back to read your blog from the beginning.

    You make a good point that these types of addicts do not respond to reasoning or normal consequences.

    I am going back to the beginning for Pat and Fractal Mom and Lisa and Her Big Sad as well. All of you who have born this pain and kept your sanity have wisdom for me.

    Fractal Mom,

    Thanks for your honesty. I began to heal somewhat when Beth left our home. There was no peace here when she was here. It was always amazing to us that the tension could be so intense in the absence of physical violence.

    We learned not to get in her way once she determined to go out on a bender. She could rapidly escalate to violence under those circumstances.

    You make a good and comforting point about their ability to survive on a minimal level.

    Thanks again,

  11. Without going into the details to prove it, I have lived right where you're at. Along with Lou, Alanon and God.

  12. I don't have any answers. We have no children. But I think that the tools of Al-Anon have helped thousands to deal with this issue.