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Welcome to my blog. I hope we can help each other endure the pain of the addiction of a daughter or son.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Mystery Arrival

Soooo glad I did not call the halfway house to find out that she had not arrived.  They called me in the middle of a tour on Saturday. The halfway house manager said that Beth called from a hotel. She did not have a ride but was scheduled to check into the halfway house that day.  She said that was most unusual and that she would have to make sure that Beth was sober before admitting her.

In the end she was admitted with a questionable urine test. They will do a full screen and have the results in a few days. Beth and I had angry words on the phone. I told her that she could not rely on me for any more money as she had broken the agreement by going to a hotel instead of right to the halfway house.

She maintained that she was clean but I of course did not believe it.
She told me xxxx you  xxxxyou xxxyou........ I am clean.

I said that as preposterous as that possibility is I am still mad even if she is clean. She dissapeared for two days and did not do what she knew she was supposed to do.

Today she called to apologize.
She had some time to work on her story and gave me one I can almost believe..........

I hear that tune in my head  (If I listen long enough to you..... I'll find a reason to believe that its all true......knowing that you lied straight faced while I cried.......

Well, I decided to wait for the extensive drug test results and go with them for now. I just cant handle throwing her out on the street and having my father in law dying and my husband grieving at the same time.

If the drug tests are negative, I will follow through until she gets kicked out or uses again. .......Yet I look to find a reason to believe...... someone like you makes it hard to give never thinking of myself..........



  1. You try to find a reason to believe in her recovery. She tries to find a reason to believe that drugs are not her problem. It's a sad spin.

  2. I hope you find your reason to believe ... I hope you can have some peace with all these things going on at once....

  3. Thanks Barbara and thanks Madison.

    Things have gotten more out of hand with the old people ( mother in Law with dementia father in law dying next door.) They are getting most of my attention now.

    Thanks for your support.

  4. I've been learning that behaviors are what I need to look at, versus what I'm being told. I hope you can let go and let the drug test speak. You've got a lot to deal with all at once, and I wish you some peace... something for YOU while you take care of everyone else. God bless.

  5. I think that actions and things like test results speak louder than words. I've heard the words before but it wasn't until action happened that I could believe them.

  6. Anna, you do indeed have a lot going on, and I hope you can carve out some time here and there, for yourself, to recharge your batteries! I am praying for you and your daughter.... and I hope you have a peaceful restful night.