Beth went down to treatment in Florida promising that she would go to a 6 month program after her initial 30 days. She renigged on that and I understood because the counselors were encouraging her to go the halfway house route.
When she left the treatment center for the Sober Living Halfway house she spent New Years Eve weekend in a hotel with sober friends. She reported to the halfway house 3 days later. (Long enough for coke or heroine to be out of her system.) Strike ONE
She was kicked out of the sober living halfway house one week later because she was staggering and slurring her words plus testing positive for xanax but that was a result of her other meds. Strike Two
She got very ill and went to the Del Ray Beach Medical Center. She had kidney infection and the flu. They kept her until Sat afternoon. She sounded weak and tired.
She was caught off the property on Saturday night. She denied having been gone. She denied using the whole day. They ran tests and she tested positive they thought for cocaine. She talked to me on Sunday at 4. She said that she did not answer the phone as she was sleeping. When her results came back they sent her to detox. Strike Three
I called her new treatment center Genesis House. I left a message for her counselor that her grandfather died and we have to figure how to tell her. I also said that I am not willing to pay for anymore halfway houses. She needs to proceed from there to a 6 month treatment or I will not support her anymore financially. This was our original agreement as I have been through this scenario before.
She can call phoenix house and make arrangements or not. She wanted those drugs enough to drag herself out there and get them in spite of how sick she was. These drugs are now more important than anyone she ever loved or who ever loved her. They have been for a long time. They are even more important than her own life. I am defeated. I give up.
Part 2 of "When you are So Mad!!!"
2 months ago
Anna, try to remember you are not talking to your daughter, but a young person who is inhabiting her body through a haze of drugs. You don't have to believe that person, or help that person, or like that person. Let that stranger fend for herself, and pray for the day your daughter comes back to you.
ReplyDeleteAnna, I understand your feelings. I've had the exact same feelings about my son. You might try this at some point as part of your own "treatment." In my Family Group (run by the Detox/Treatment Center my son went through twice last year), they had me do this exercise. Write an "Anger Letter" to drugs and alcohol (or just drugs if alcohol is not an issue). The point, as I'm sure you can imagine is to help you separate your anger and frustration with the drugs from Beth. This exercise might even help you to be better able to follow Lou's advice. Beth does not love you less than she loves drugs. The drugs take over her mind and her heart; and she is not the Beth that you raised and love so much. I hope this helps. You are in my thoughts and my prayers.
ReplyDeleteAnna, Lou and Lisa are right, of course. Its still so hard to see that person that LOOKS like your son or daughter but acts like an alien from another planet, or a monster :( I didn't like my son at all for most of last year because he was never himself.
ReplyDeleteYou're doing the right things. I hope you have loving support for yourself. I like Lisa's letter to drugs idea, I once wrote several pages on "its not fair!" about why my life was messed up cause of someone else's choices. It helped.
Thinking of you and sending prayers.
I can imagine how heartbreaking this is for you, but try to see it as Lou said. Maybe we have to be defeated ourselves so God can take over FOR US and take care of US. Lou's posting from 3/30/08 entitled "Then and Now" always helps me, you might want to check it out. (brokenheartedmom.blogspot)
ReplyDeleteI'll be praying for you and Beth. God bless.
what they all said. and a caveat. don't pay for ANYTHING ELSE. EVER
ReplyDelete