Well, I could not stand it anymore. The counselor did not call back my husband. We have been trying to get someone to be with Beth to tell her about her POP POP's death since Monday.
I called her this morning. She had already been to an 8:30 meeting. She was cleaning her room. She said there were other girls there with her. I told her to sit down that I had bad news for her.
She said " I know already that POP POP died." Smitty told me yesterday.
She had a very flat matter of fact tone. She said she was sad yesterday but that he was in a better place.
She said that there was nothing she could do that we already had the services. I told her it happened fast after he died because of the cremation. Every time we tried to tell her she ended up in the hospital before we could.
I told her that I am very sorry and that we would have had her there but it was impossible. I also asked her what her plans are. She said she plans to go to the telemarketing job and get hired on the spot today.
I told her that I love her and I always will but that I can't stand in the middle any longer. I told her it was like when she left her boyfriend Shaun. She loved him but he kept beating her up and she could not allow the abuse anymore. I love her but I can not hear about nor try to correct this addiction anymore. It is up to her.
She knows that she has money for a few more weeks at the halfway house from he welfare. She knows that she will not be getting anymore than what is currently left from us. It needs to be cancelled in this state and picked up in Florida.
Her lack of affect was very unsettling to me. I said if she needs to talk about POP POP then I will talk to her. I do not want to talk about the addiction. I hate the addiction but not her.
I said that her relationship with drugs is just like her relationship with Shaun. She loves them but they are kicking the hell out of her and so she must withdraw. She said....yeah...I know.
I called my husband to tell him that she already knew and he did not have to pursue it anymore. He said brightly......... ok....... I will not think of it anymore........Do you have anything else.......
I said, no and hung up........ Now back to work.
I give her to you. I can not bear the buden anymore. Please take care of her and let her live to find a purpose in this life. You could not have brought me the miracle of her birth just to create more suffering in this world. There must be some purpose. Please let her find her purpose and please release me from my obsession with her addiction. I pray for the peace that passeth understanding for the both of us. Please let her feel your love and power in her life. Amen
On Being Afraid
1 month ago